9:00am
World's Wildest Police Videos: Loopy Backwards Inside Out
10:00am
World's Wildest Police Videos: PIT Maneuver
11:00am
Cops O: Better Safe Than Sorry
11:30am
Cops O: Mixed Emotions
12:00pm
12:30pm
Cops O: One Headlight
1:00pm
Cops O: You Didn't Get Very Far
1:30pm
Jail: Las Vegas
2:00pm
Cops O: Get Off My Roof
2:30pm
Cops O: Out of Sight, Out of Mind
3:00pm
Cops O: Not My Crack
8:30pm
Cops O: Better Safe Than Sorry
10:00pm
Cops O: Mixed Emotions
10:30pm
Cops O: You Didn't Get Very Far
11:00pm
Cops O: Out of Sight, Out of Mind
11:30pm
Cops O: Not My Crack
12:00am
Cops O: One Headlight
12:30am
Cops O: Get Off My Roof
2:00am
Jail: Las Vegas
2:30am
3:00am
3:30am
9:00am
Gangland: Bandido Army
10:00am
Gangland: From Heaven to Hell
11:00am
Gangland: Kill or Be Killed
12:00pm
Gangland: Bloody South
1:00pm
Gangland: One Blood
2:00pm
Gangsters: America’s Most Evil : King Blood: Luis Felipe

The Top 10 Ways to Look Like a Four-Star Worker

by Reverend_Danger   April 13, 2009 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 297

In this economy, it seems like every sentence starts with “in this economy.”  That’s because everybody and their mother (and brother, and cousin) are getting laid off.  Want to seem like an invaluable member of the team even though you’re chatting on Facebook even as you read this? Hit the jump to find out how.

Source: Colin Hawkins/Image Bank/Getty Images

10. Dress to Impress

image

Source: Toledano/Stone+/Getty Images

Dress for the job you want to have is a maxim as old as cubicles themselves.  However, it’s important not to take this too literally.  I was let go from a perfectly good paint store delivery job because I wore a space suit to work.  Maybe just go for a suit or at least a button-up shirt that’s been ironed this month.

9. Plan an Escape Route

image

Source: Paul Bradbury/OJO Images/Getty Images

This is basically straight out of Office Space.  When Peter knows Lumbergh is going to ask him to work the weekend, what is the first thing he does? Plan an elaborate exit strategy.  Getting out of work quickly and quietly is more important and more complex than an Iraq exit strategy. 

8. Drink and Smoke

image

Source: Jeff Randall/Getty Images

Coffee and cigarette breaks are totally acceptable, professionally-sanctioned excuses to stop work completely and just chill out.  I have addictions, too (The Sega Dreamcast, your mom, etc.), but when I drop everything to play a little “Mr. Driller” with your mom, everybody gets all up in arms about it.  Maybe I should just start smoking during instead of after.

7. Ask Irrelevant Questions

image

Source: Image Source/Getty Images

Appearing to be involved, engaged, and constantly struggling to make yourself a better part of the machine that is your company is pretty important.  It shows you care about what you do, and are committed to being one of the tiny balloons that floats your company to the top.  But since you’re really just watching the clock, make up irrelevant questions like "Would you prefer files to be saved in .docx or .doc file type?” That way, no more actual work for you, but you appear to be just asking them to pile it on.

6. CC Ceaselessly and with Impunity

image

Source: Alberto Ruggieri/Getty Images

Copying your boss on emails is a good way to let him know you’re active.  In Sloane Crosley’s essay The Ursula Cookie, she describes the worst boss imaginable.  One of the things Ursula constantly says is that she has no idea what her employee does all day.  Well if she got 200 copied emails about the minutia of her day, not only would she know, but she’d likely give her a little space.

THE DAILY FOUR