Pacquiao vs. Mayweather Fight is Officially Off

January 7, 2010

The most highly anticipated boxing match since Dustin Diamond stepped into the ring with Danny Bonaduce is reportedly no longer going to happen, thanks to a delightful combination of fear, drug testing, and some pretty mean-spirited name calling.

According to statements released by Manny Pacquiao’s promoter, negotiations broke down over drug testing policies – an issue that he claims cannot be resolved at this point.

Essentially, Mayweather wants random blood tests to be administered throughout the entire training process. Pacquiao, however, requested scheduled drug testing instead. (Yes, this is literally the only issue keeping us from the fight of the decade and avoiding another "come watch the seven-foot Russian who's screwing the chick from Heroes take on a guy you've never heard of for three-and-a-half rounds of the single least interesting boxing in the history of Khazakstani pay-per-view" promotion.)

According to insiders (and by insiders I mean the guy who sells bootlegged Pauly Shore DVDs at my Taiwanese speed-dating seminars), Mayweather is afraid to fight Pacquio and is looking for any excuse to avoid the match.

Other, slightly more credible individuals agree.

"When the fight was offered, Manny accepted it with no hesitation," Pacquiao adviser Michael Koncz told from the Philippines, where he was with Pacquiao. "We're not surprised. We saw this coming once they started this drug bulls***. It was a way for them to get out of the fight. I don't think Mayweather expected Manny to accept the challenge so quickly."

Translation: He’s scared.

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