What sports fan has not wanted a shot at eternal glory? Providing an extra push for the Jamaican bobsled team or getting some justice for Nancy Kerrigan are the things that dreams are made of. This is the spirit in which Pros vs Joes operates. In honor of the season premiere Monday night on Spike TV, we wonder what it would have been like if the show existed decades ago, and called upon our favorite sports legends to teach some serious lessons, to some seriously lame Joes.
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5. Manute Bol
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Without question, Manute Bol is one of the most gangly, ungainly athletes to ever play in the pros. He is one of the tallest people to ever walk the earth, yet he was better at shooting threes than posting up on the block. If there’s one thing he could do it was swat shots. Manute racked up an astounding 2,000 career blocks in just 600 games. Imagine an average Joe trying to take it to the rack against a man who stands at seven feet, seven inches tall, but is about as coordinated as a giraffe on roller skates.
4. Mitch Williams
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People would get excited when the “Wild Thing” took the mound because they never knew if he was going to throw at someone’s head. Williams built a love/hate relationship with fans of MLB. He was completely unpredictable and a fierce competitor in his heyday, and we’d love to see a bunch of Joes stand in the box and pray the bean ball isn’t coming. In this day of political correctness, Mitch wouldn’t be afraid to test the limits.
3. Jack Lambert
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Football players may be a lot bigger than they were when the Vampire played for the Steelers, but Jack Lambert wasn’t intimidated by anyone. He’s the definition of a badass dude who played with huge chip on his shoulder. Just the look of the guy with his four missing teeth would be enough to keep the Joes from wanting to participate. He was mean, nasty, and looked to injure the opposing player with every hit. In the modern game, only Ray Lewis can conjure the same kind of fear. Lambert running the Oklahoma drill against a bunch of investment bankers is what pay-per-views are made of.
2. Michael Jordan
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Only number two you say? The jump man fails to take the top spot by virtue of the sport he played. Any basketball fan would step onto the same court with the greatest player ever to grace the hardwood with no fear of injury. Watching him (literally) jump over a 5’ 6” insurance broker is quality entertainment, to be sure, but we saw him make fools of NBA studs for years. His appearance on Pros vs Joes would be comedic for a while, but eventually the domination would become dull and there’s no real contact to pick up the slack. Yet just the spectacle of watching Jordan play in his prime is reason enough for him to take the second spot. The prospect of seeing a Joe score one basket or make one steal against Jordan is enough motivation to tune in.
1. Mike Tyson
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Without a doubt one of the most feared athletes in the history of modern sports, “Iron” Mike Tyson won most of his bouts before the opening bell was rung. If opponents weren’t already defeated by then, he’d ring their bell and finish the job. Tyson’s ability to go completely off the reservation means Joes would rightfully be afraid to land a punch for fear of the retribution. A VP with a missing ear isn’t exactly good for business. Imagine if the show was taped just after he got out of prison. Would anyone even be willing to step in the ring? He’s the youngest man ever to hold all three boxing championships for a reason, and if Pros vs Joes was around long ago, we can’t imagine a better athlete to participate.
Be sure to watch the season debut of Pros vs Joes Monday, April 27 at 11PM to see if any modern athletes can live up to these lofty standards.