Sugar, Speed, and Boobs

June 24, 2010

The Motor City Machine Guns (Chris Sabin and Alex Shelley) are here to fill us in on where to find some of the best roller coasters and how to avoid falling into a sugar coma.

Chris Sabin

The internet is such a great place. I typed "Wonders of the World" into Google and under the "Images" section, a picture of a woman with giant boobs showed up.

Anyway, tomorrow I will be heading to one of my traditional summer fun spots, a place of excitement, thrills, and all the roller coasters a human who doesn't have motion sickness could want, Cedar Point!

I have been visiting this magical place for a number of years now. As long as the weather cooperates and the rides are running smoothly, you get lucky to have chosen a day that won't be too busy, and you enjoy roller coasters, as long as all those things work in your favor, you will have a great time. Seventeen roller coasters, including the Top Thrill Dragster, which is one of the tallest and fastest in the world. If it happens to be a scorcher out there, they also have water rides and even a water park called Soak City! The fun just never stops.

Other than that, within the last week I have bought my first lawnmower, purchased Red Dead Redemption for 360 (which rules), have cooked every night but one on my grill outside, watched my kitty Thunderhorse (Dethklok also RULES) learn how to climb trees, crashed my friends bachelorette party, and rode in a  Hummer limo for free, albeit for 15 minutes.

Alex Shelley

If I could live off of one thing for the rest of my life, it'd be cereal. I love cereal. It's absolutely amazing. I'd like to try and tell you it's healthy, but it's really not. That's mostly due to portion control. I don't know anyone who actually eats half a cup of Cap'n Crunch or something. Well, maybe that's a bad choice, because of the incessant bleeding that clots on the roof of your mouth potentially preventing you from eating more, but you know what I mean. I can't be totally mean with that brand, I guess. Crunch Berries are a fruit too!

When I was a kid we ate cereal all the time. Having a mom who worked, played sports, went to college, and took care of kids married to a dad who worked, played sports, drove us all over the place for whatever activity we were involved in, and took care of the yard didn't allow for dinner to be made every night. Most of the time, we had awesome dinners too. But my mom worked into our psyche at a young age the concept of "silly supper" for evenings where she was super busy. This was where WE got to make whatever we could for dinner. Grilled cheese, PB&J, chips, fruit, salads, and most importantly, cereal!!!!

Growing up, we never got the super sugary brands because my parents knew that stuff rotted teeth. We also didn't get to drink pop much. That's right, I called it pop, because that's what it is. So most of the time, the sweetest kind of cereal we had was Frosted Flakes. We had a lot of Basic 4, Raisin Bran, Kix, Life, and some of the sweeter healthier ones. On our birthdays, we got to pick whatever we wanted. I used to always go for Cookie Crisp or Count Chocula. Oh man, it was incredible.

I remember the first time I had Cocoa Puffs because my brother was about to jump into our cousin's pool as I was eating it. This wouldn't have been a big deal if he wasn't five years old and had a cast because he broke his arm on a moonwalk that the carnies hosed down because it was so hot. A bigger kid landed on his arm, and due to the ground being what it was, crack. He really wanted to go swimming, so he tied a garbage bag around his arm, which was protocol when he had to shower at this point. He didn't jump in. Instead, we just ate chocolaty cereal we were never allowed to at home.

It was a good day.