Completely Artificial Heart Will be Ready in 2.5 Years

October 30, 2008

The head of a European research team, Alain Carpentier, has come forward to announce that their artificial heart will be ready for implantation by 2011.  It’s made of chemically treated animal tissues so that human bodies don’t reject it out of hand, and it was developed in part by aerospace engineers.  In other news, pretty soon I’ll be turning into Robocop but without a sense of justice.

They’ve tested the heart with computer simulations and in animal subjects with “no complications,” says Dr. Carpentier. The device has been in development for 15 years, and is intended for patients that’ve suffered massive heart attacks that are not responding to drug therapy or for whom other heart transplants have failed.

ZOMFG.  When the time comes that we can just switch out our hearts for a fresh one like you’d get an oil change for your car, this is going to be one ecstatic Reverend Danger.  My diet will be bacon, beer, bacon cheeseburgers, ice cream, bacon vodka, chicken ceasar salad (I just like it), and I’ll smoke a pack a day of hand-rolled cigs using my bacon-flavored rolling papers.