The Top 10 Ways to Survive Valentine's Day
5. Man Up and Treat Her Like a Princess
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If you really love your girl and want to show her that, then unfortunately you have to man up and treat her like a true Princess. This means making her Valentine’s Day the best ever and going all out with her favorite flowers (you should know this, roses are for amateurs), chocolates and champagne (if you’re of legal age). Plan a nice dinner for your lady by taking her out to her favorite restaurant or cooking her favorite meal. Be chivalrous throughout the day. The little things like opening the car door and helping her to her seat are really important. Whatever you do, make sure to be creative and romantic.
4. Get Laid
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If you are single this Valentine’s Day, then there is no excuse not to get laid. This is the one night of year where single, lonely women swarm bars and clubs en masse. They might venture out on the pretense of a girls-night and talk BS about single girl empowerment, but deep down what they’re really after is some man meat. This is because Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year where single women are constantly reminded that they’re all alone...and no one wants to be reminded of that. It is your job to make them feel wanted, so make them feel beautiful and give them hope that a special someone is out there somewhere. Play your cards coolly and you’ll end up in her lonely pants.
If you’re in a relationship and don’t get action on Valentine’s Day, then there must be something seriously wrong with you. All you have to do is make an effort. Buy her a rose, make her dinner, and give her a sensual, sexy massage. Do this and you’ll be in like Flynn.
3. Set the Bar Low
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If you are in a new relationship and are about to celebrate your first Valentine’s Day together, it is imperative that you do the bare minimum this V-Day. Whatever you do, don’t go all out with flowers, dinner, chocolates, or flights to Paris. You have to set the bar low. Remember that whatever you do, you’re not going to meet her expectations. If your relationship lasts for a long time, this is the Valentine’s Day that all others will be compared to. If you aim for the stars and reach them in your first year together, then it’s going to be harder to top yourself in subsequent years. If you do the bare minimum, then whatever you do the following year is going to blow her mind.
2. Level the Playing Field
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It’s time men stood up and demanded they be treated equally on Valentine’s Day. For too long Valentine’s Day has been a holiday that benefited women more so than men. For instance, what is the male equivalent to the dozen red roses? Um, there isn’t one. It’s ironic that a day about love is a day about men spending money. According to greeting card maker American Greetings Corporation, men spend roughly twice as much money on their Valentine than women. J.Lo was wrong. Love does cost a thing.
Now this disparity between the sexes has got to change. It’s blatant inequality. I say, equal gifts for equal love. This is the kind of cause men should rally together over. Let’s take to the streets, protest, write letters to our Congressmen and demand equality. We must not rest until we succeed, because it is only then that we as a sex will be able to enjoy and survive the day. Can I hear a “Yes, We Can”?
1. Time Travel and Miss It Completely
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The only true way to survive Valentine’s Day is to shun it completely and pretend like it doesn’t exist. And the only real way to do this is time travel. With time travel you can fast-forward from February 13th to February 15th and avoid Valentine’s Day altogether. The best way to do this is book a trip to Australia or New Zealand. Thanks to its proximity to the International Date Line, if you leave the United States on the evening of the 13th, you’ll wake up Down Under on the 15th, having completely missed Valentine’s Day. It’s ingenious and probably expensive, but hey, it’s the only sure way to survive Valentine’s Day!