The Top 10 Ways to Survive Valentine's Day
For guys, Valentine’s Day is a living hell. It’s expensive, over-commercialized, and never ends how you’d hope it would. Whether you’re single, casually dating someone, or in a serious relationship, Valentine’s Day can be a royal pain in the behind.
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10. Dump Your Girlfriend
If you’re dreading Valentine’s Day, have no idea what to get or do with your better half, and would rather crawl in a hole than spend it with your girl, then it’s probably time to end your relationship. Let’s face it--if you’re in a great relationship then Valentine’s Day should be a walk in the park. You should know exactly what to do without having to think about it and without bleeding your bank account dry.
But if you’re feeling at all apprehensive about Valentine’s Day or are wracked with doubt about your girl then it’s time get rid of that deadwood and dump her now. After all, it’s better to dump her before February 14th than waste money on some uninspired present.
9. Date Someone Foreign Who Doesn’t Care
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If you hate Valentine’s Day with a vengeance, then you should date someone who couldn’t care less about this so-called "holiday." Your best bet is a nice foreign girl. Most countries beside America see Valentine’s Day for what it is, an overly commercialized day that puts a dollar value on love and relationships.
Why not try dating a girl from South Korea? There it's the women who give men chocolates on Valentine’s Day. Women from Saudi Arabia will be too scared to celebrate because in their home country Valentine’s Day has been outlawed. In Brazil the girls are super hot and they couldn’t care less about Valentine’s Day. This is probably because all the women down there are practicing their booty shaking Carnival dance routine and deciding which topless outfit to wear. If your woman doesn’t care about Valentine’s Day or even know it exists, then there’s no need to worry about it.
8. Get Creative and Save Cash
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With flowers, chocolates, a card, a sing-a-gram cupid, petals for the bed, a string quartet, champagne, and a horse drawn carriage, the cost of Valentine’s Day can send you in bankruptcy. But there's no reason to spend a ton of cash. Put your noggin to use instead of your wallet and get creative.
There are a million different things you could do this Valentine’s Day that won’t cost you a penny and will probably mean more to your girl than some stupid, expensive present. For instance, write her a poem. You might not be Keats, but she’ll really appreciate the effort and the fact you wrote down how you feel about her. Other things you can try are cooking brownies together, drawing on each other’s naked bodies, or giving each other sensual massages. Whatever you do, make it personal and filled with meaning. After all, it’s time we stripped back the commerciality of Valentine’s Day and reclaimed the day to celebrate love.
7. Seize the Moment
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If you are single and have a crush on a girl, but have been too chicken to do anything about it, Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to seize the day and make something happen. Be bold and ask her out on a date. If she’s single, then there is no chance she’ll say no, as no one wants to be alone of Valentine’s Day. Once you’ve secured your date, be romantic to make a good impression. Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year where a man can be cheesy, romantic, and over the top and not have their manhood questioned. So go on, make a statement. Take a risk. Ask her out. Now. It might just change your life. And if it doesn’t, well, it sure beats sitting at home alone.
6. Have a Date with Yourself
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If you don’t want to deal with all the hullabaloo that comes with Valentine’s Day, then don’t. Be your own Valentine. Being alone is A-OK as long as you own it. So treat yourself. Spend the money you would ordinarily spend on Valentine’s Day on yourself. Go get a massage, which will probably cost you the same as a dozen roses and a box of chocolates. Then take yourself out for a fancy dinner and order the most expensive steak on the menu. Your bill’s still going to be cheaper than dinner for two. Afterwards settle in at home with a case of beer and your favorite DVD (pants and good manners are totally optional). Then throw in a dirty flick and really get to know yourself. You see the benefit of dating yourself is you’re guaranteed the night will end with a happy ending.