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Austin Powers in Goldmember
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TIME: The Kalief Browder Story: The System

The 10 Most Annoying People You Meet at Concerts

by DannyGallagher   January 21, 2011 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 5,098


5. Mr. or Mrs. "Why Aren't They Playing Their Hit Song Already?"

Source: Frederic Cirou/PhotoAlto Agency RF Collections/Getty Images

Believe it or not, some people go to concerts not to enjoy a band's eclectic discography of music or their exploration of new sounds never heard before by any other human ear drums. Some of them are there to hear just one song, their most popular song making their ticket the most expensive iTunes single song download in history.

They whine and complain when The Rolling Stones don't belt out their 5,000th consecutive rendition of "Satisfaction" or if Motorhead doesn't play "Ace of Spades" fast enough to their liking. For some reason, he thinks that because he paid for a ticket, the entire stage arena is his private jukebox. He's so annoying and incessant with his complaining that you'd actually like to stick a quarter in him, just so you can hear him play "How About a Nice Cold Glass of Shut the F---Up?" (the live and in-concert version).

What Are They Thinking?

"Why are they ignoring my song request? I'm only 124 rows from the front. It's not like they can't hear me."

"They didn't play the song! This band will rue the day I got a Twitter account."

"I can't believe I showered for this."

4. Mr. “I’m Starting a Mosh Pit Right Here, Right Now”

Source: Marcus Clackson/Photodisc/Getty Images

I’d love to meet the twisted bastards who thought up the concept of the mosh pit, that hotbed of pointy haircuts and Doc Martens where grown humans beat each into a coma to show the band just how much they love them. Something tells me they either do a lot of drugs or really hate music.

Of course, the beauty of it is that it’s entirely voluntary. You don’t have to use your head as a fist against some other poor dolt’s skull to enjoy the music if you don’t want to. Somebody needs to tell that to this guy who starts elbowing everyone around him when the band starts playing and trying to get everyone around him to push, shove, kick, and scratch because he thinks it's a freeing experience of angst and creativity. At best, it’s just an excuse to hit someone in public and in this case, a sure-fire way to raise reasonable doubt in the inevitable manslaughter trial.

What Are They Thinking?

“I haven’t felt this alive since my days in Juvenile Hall.”

“Man, punching people in the temple sure doesn’t look like it hurts as much when they do it in the movies. That’s funny. Now I can’t feel my hand...or my arm for that matter.”

3. Mr. “You Lookin’ At My Girlfriend?”

Source: Philip Haynes/Flickr/Getty Images

It never ceases to amaze me how so many beautiful, intelligent, and smart women end up with guys who couldn’t be bigger jerks if their last name was “Noogiehitler”.

These guys will be easy to spot at a concert because if you dare to admire the striking beauty of their near-perfect date for more than half of a second, they will immediately jump into your field of vision and scream at you to stop looking at “my woman” and cover you with more needless angry spittle than the front row of a Carlos Mencia concert. Don’t worry though. He won’t actually hurt you because his girlfriend will pull him off you by then or it will make his next probation hearing very awkward.

What Are They Thinking?

“You talkin’ to me? You talkin’ to me? You talkin’...”


Source: amana productions/Getty Images

It’s hard to understand the mentality of anyone who even sets foot into a concert hall or a 10,000-seat arena with a cell phone on them. I have a hard enough time trying to have a conversation with someone on a cell phone if I move my head three quarters of an inch in any direction. How are a billion screaming fans going to improve the reception of the call?

It isn’t the fact that’s he or she is having a conversation during a concert. It’s that they are trying so desperately to get the conversation into the phone, despite the fact that they have a better chance of getting a signal if they were just below the Earth’s crust and that they are trying to talk over 49,999 other voices.

What Are They Thinking?

“Christ, why did I say 'sell'? I’m going to have to sell the kids for organ meat just to cover the insurance on the Maserati.”

“Damn it, you pay good money for these things and you can never hear what the other person is saying.”


1. Mr. “I Still Think Yelling ‘Freebird’ is Funny”

Source: KMazur/WireImage/Getty Images

There a lot of things you jokingly shouldn’t yell in a crowded theater: “Fire!”, “Gun!”, “Yanni! You rock!”

“Freebird,” however, jumps to the top of the list, especially if the theater is on fire. It’s been yelled at bands regardless of their genre, musical ability, or even the fact that they can or cannot play “Freebird.” It’s become such a dumb cliche that the person who screams it immediately loses all credibility, respect, and the love of their entire family by the time they reach the second syllable (and that’s if they're lucky). Lesser men who have uttered the unfunniest joke in the world have lost much more, like their ability to breathe without a machine or vital parts of the reproductive anatomy.

What Are They Thinking?

“I am so gonna yell ‘Freebird’ right now. No one’s ever thought about doing that at a rock concert.”

“I’ve been yelling ‘Freedbird’ for years, but is it like a song or a band or something?”

“I’m so lonely.”



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