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9 Inventions We Need Now

by Reverend_Danger   October 03, 2008 at 8:00PM  |  Views: 1,593

Come with me, friends, on a journey into the future!  Technology is progressing at a logorhythmic rate based on the Moore’s Law.  It’s hard to keep up with.  Shoot, I had to link to Moore’s Law cause nobody even knows what that is, and it’s been around since 1959.  Well fret no more.  You won’t be left in the moondust after reading the top 9 inventions about to be invented.

9. Interstellar Travel


The Reactionless Space Thruster is a rocket without rocket fuel.  Watch Battlestar Gallactica?  Good, then you know precisely how totally friggin' sweet a Cylon Basestar engine is.  Alternately known as an Emdrive, this engine works by a chamber that gets filled with radiation.  It turns out radiation waves, like a wave of liquid, have momentum.  These waves of radiation lap against the machine (or something) propelling it along.  Doesn’t that “not work” to use scientific terms you say?  Here’s the X’ian University’s rebuttal.  There are other engines, too, like our own anti-matter engine (which would give you cancer now…) or our solar sail for space piracy.  It shouldn't be too long until we have a McDonald's on the moon.

8. Immortality


There’s a few ways to be immortal.  And I’m not talking about the super-lame Oprah ways like keeping a journal to give to your grandkids.  I’m talking about becoming a disembodied brain (not unlike Krang) housed in a killer robot body with lasers in its eyes.  One huge step on fighting the aging process has been understanding telomeres.  They’re little caps on the ends of your DNA whose length corresponds almost exactly with your biological age.  If you lengthen them/keep them long, it really messes you up, but immortality hunters are certainly on the right track. 

7. Force fields


Force field technology is being developed, ostensibly, to protect interstellar travels from dangerous cosmic radiation.  I can only assume that scientists are actually looking into it because it “totally rocks.”  My brother and I used to have wars with our G.I. Joes and I’ll be damned if when you claimed “force field” your lil’ guy didn’t become invulnerable.  The best part is that it’ll totally work like it does in the movies.  Basically, the radiation that hurts us is positively charged.  So, by concentrating a big bubble of friendly, negatively-charged particles around astronauts (or plastic soldiers) one could, in theory be protected. 

6. Mind Control Devices


This is gonna rock.  For now, when I say mind control, I mean you use your mind to control a device.  So far, you can’t use your mind to control another mind, but once we all become half-robot it seems inevitable, right?  The technology we’ll be seeing first though, is ridiculous hats that’ll read your mind and allow you to control things (like video games) with your thoughts.  Gotta start somewhere if you’re going to eventually rule over an army of brain washed zombie slaves. I’ve always said that.

5. Teleportation


This will be an especially useful invention for those of us who’ve always wished they could be half housefly.  Right now, we can’t teleport anything cool like, say, me (see how I did that?  I defined myself as cool) but we can teleport totally boring stuff.  Scientists can currently teleport data in the form of lasers.  And, with their increasing knowledge of quantum states, there seems to be a vacuum for teleportation inventions.  Bezoooo!  By the way, that’s Marissa Miller being teleported to my cubicle.  No big deal.