Let's Celebrate Canada's Birthday by Counting Down Their Least Likable Citizens

July 1, 2010

Contrary to popular belief, Canada is (sort of) no longer under British rule. Today is the 143rd anniversary of the Great White North’s polite departure from their colonial dependence, and as the lone Canuck on staff I thought I’d take the opportunity to point out 11 Canadian personalities who have spent years sullying the good name of an occasionally proud nation.

Celine Dion – It's tough to pinpoint exactly when "the music died," but there's no doubt who had their finger on the button when it happened. 

Todd Bertuzzi - No, Todd… we haven’t forgotten about the "Steve Moore thing" yet. 

Justin Bieber
– There are hundreds of talented musicians in Canada, yet a prepubescent 16-year-old who routinely sprinkles phrases like "you know, dog" and "chillin with my boys" into his daily Seacrest interviews has become the country's most notable entertainer. 

Marshall McLuhan – Is the medium really the message?

Alexander Graham Bell
– Had he not invented the telephone 134 years ago, Tiger Woods might still be the world's top ranked golfer.

Nickelback front man Chad Kroeger - We tried to trade him to Sweden for Dolph Lundgren and a Sedin twin to be named later, but were brutally rebuffed and eventually offered the ABBA member of our choice and the rights to Victoria Silvstedt's prime. Denying the counter offer would later cost Brian Mulroney his job.

Avril Lavigne – Wearing a sock on your arm and dating somebody with a lip ring does not make you a hard core punk rocker. 

Bryan Adams – Although the Canadian anthem is widely regarded as one of the 37 most complex songs on the Saskatchewan Power 40 countdown, there's no excuse to justify a professional singer from Ontario forgetting the lyrics before a hockey game. (Was it the "O" or "Canada" part that confused you?)

Bernie Ebbers – As the CEO of Worldcom, Ebbers constructed one of the largest financial scams in recent memory, yet contributed none of the ill-gotten gains to his hometown Edmonton Oilers during NHL free agency. This guy could have single-handedly saved the Petr Klima era.

Louis Riel – You sir, are a traitor! (And the junior high school in Oakridge which bears your name has had three consecutively poor showings at the provincial badminton championships in LeDuc.)

Keeanu Reaves
– Not exactly helping the “Canadians are slow” myth, are ya sport?


Now here's your chance to write "You forgot David Breitman" in the comments section.

Photo: Janette Pelligrini: WireImage/Getty Images