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The Top 10 Ways to Get Laid for Under 10 Bucks

by ncoles   February 18, 2009 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 19,940

Getting laid can be a costly exercise. Women these days like to be wined and dined and made a fuss of before they let you get even close to scoring a home run. This doesn’t need to be the case. With economic gloom all around and a shrinking wallet, you can get laid on the cheap.  By lowering your standards, checking some morals at the door, and being creative, you can get laid for under $10.

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10. Take Her to an Art Gallery Opening


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Art gallery openings are the perfect cheapskate’s date.  They provide free booze, the heightened atmosphere of a premiere, and usually don’t have a guest list. A date at an art gallery will not only impress your lady friend, it will also make you look sophisticated, creative, and passionate.

If you really want to ensure getting laid, do your homework and take her to an art gallery with sexually charged artworks. Some tasteful nudes will plant the seeds of sex in her head. You will also be able to work out your chances of getting laid by watching her reaction to the art. If she blushes, you can laugh it off and drop her home early. If she loves it, then you’re in with a fighting chance. Heighten the stakes by suggesting you go back to your place and recreate some of the images. Girls love to get creative, and this is a great way to get her naked.

9. Go Stargazing


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A girl goes crazy when a guy gets creative and organizes a romantic date. One of the most romantic dates is stargazing. All you need is a car, a blanket, a clear night, and some stars in the sky. You may also want to throw in a cheap bottle of wine. Before the date, do some research on the different star constellations. This will give you something to talk about and make you sound passionate and intelligent. This type of setting is ideal for big conversations about life, love, hopes, and dreams. Girls love this spiritual crap, and you will easily be able to fake a deep connection.

8. Pretend You’re in a Band


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Chicks dig rockers. Dudes who are in bands don’t even have to speak and they get laid. Being a rocker is also an economical way to dress. How many times have you worn expensive clothes to a club or bar and gotten nowhere while at the same time some guy who looks homeless is getting some mad action?

All you need to do to look like a rock star is go to your local thrift store and stock up on a pair of tattered tight jeans and a washed-out AC/DC t-shirt. Couple this with a belt and unwashed hair and you’ll be in like Flynn. If you have some cash left over, add a fake tattoo for effect. Once you’re in "costume," go to a bar full of groupies, talk bulls*** about your music, and wait for them to flock.

7. “Learn” a Foreign Accent


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I hate guys with foreign accents because they don’t even need to try and they get play. Women go weak at the knees over some dude with an accent. I suppose accents are like cheese, and that most girls like something foreign and exotic.

To a girl, a guy with a foreign accent is like taking a vacation, and you know how slutty girls are when they are on vacation. Girls also like the thought that a dude they hook up with is not going to end up as a neighbor or someone they’ll bump into at the supermarket.

To get laid like a foreigner, learn an accent. Rent an English language film with a French or Italian actor in it and copy how they sound. If this is too difficult, pretend you are English, Australian, or South African. The next step is do some research online and prepare you backstory. You want a girl to be swept up in your foreignness, so don't skimp on the details.

6. Play the Sympathy Card


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Only play the sympathy card to get laid if you are desperate and have tried and failed with the other suggestions on this list. That said, playing the sympathy card is a sure thing and a ridiculously cheap way to get action. If you want to do some research on how to get sympathy sex, watch Choke. This film is about a guy who pretends to choke in restaurants in order to take advantage of the kindness of strangers. His fake choking incidents lead to money and sex.

The most important part of sympathy sex is making sure you have a well thought-out plan. Target your sad, sympathy-inducing story to the girl you want to bang. For instance, if you know a girl who really loves dogs ring her up all sad and ask her to come over to your place. Before she arrives, it is important to look like you’ve been crying and are really upset. Try chopping an onion. When she arrives tell her your beloved childhood dog just passed away and that you needed someone to talk to, console you, and share a cheap bottle of wine with. In no time she’ll be hugging you and asking you how she can make you feel better. You know the rest.