The Top 10 Super Expensive Versions of Everyday Food
If he's living right, every guy should be able to live comfortably eating only the 10 following foods. If he's living really right, he can afford to blow his cash on these 10 ridiculously overprized versions of everyday foods.
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10 . $5,000 Hamburger
There are few foods in the world that contain the pure gastronomic perfection of the hamburger. A slab of chopped and grilled meat slapped between two buns and dressed to your taste, there's nothing else that can match it for a cheap, yet hearty meal you can get anywhere. As long as you can scrounge together a couple bucks and can leave the house, you can find a burger almost anywhere on the planet. But what if you've got $5,000 burning a hole in your pocket to go along with your burger craving? Well, fear not, because a chef called Hubert Keller has just the beef sandwich for you. His Fleurburger 5000 is made from the finest Kobe beef, smothered in truffles and foie gras, and served on a truffle flavoured bun. It may sound a little pricey, but that five grand also includes a bottle of wine and a certificate mailed to your house so you can prove to all your friends that you once had $5,000 and no idea how to spend it.
9. $50 Donut
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Ahh, the humble donut. For years, these delicious little grenades of fat and sugar have helped millions of us suffer through horrible mornings, crappy jobs, and boring meetings. No matter how bad your day is, a single donut can give you the energy to make it through no matter how awful things look. Of course they're bad for you. Like really, really, heart-explodingly bad for you. But who cares, right? Everything great eventually kills you. But some people actually care about more than flavor when they choose their food. Some people actually want to eat healthy stuff, even it means giving up the glorious sugar highs of the donut. For those people, Chef's Diet makes an apple caramel donut with way less fat and calories than a regular one. The only drawback is they cost $50 a dozen. Now if you want to eat healthy, that's your prerogative, but come on! For $50 you could buy enough donuts to get your entire office through the worst Monday in January. Or you could be a selfish jerk who lives to be 99 eating his fancy pants healthy donuts. Who do you think is going to have more people at his funeral?
8. $30 Cup of Coffee
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If donuts are a battery jump on a cold morning, then coffee is the gasoline in the modern human engine. Every day all over the world people guzzle gallon after gallon of the most popular drug known to man. Perfect for any situation or social gathering, available anywhere, and full of the life-giving powers of caffeine, coffee is the grease that keeps the world turning. Imagine what would happen tomorrow morning if all the world's coffee supply somehow disappeared. Would the human race even survive until noon? Not a chance, we need our coffee and we need it now. Luckily for our continued existence, there's a lot of it around at a reasonable price. Sure, there's expensive gourmet stuff if you want it, but who needs to pay extra besides coffee snobs or hipsters? Well for them, farmers in Indonesia have a very special blend of coffee. Called Kopi Luwak, the coffee is made from beans that have been eaten and pooped out by civet cats (a kind of Asian weasel). Yes, you read that right. For anywhere upwards of $30 a cup, you can get a cup of coffee made from the droppings of a small animal. Kopi Luwak is supposed to be so great because of the way the enzymes in the poop react with the beans, but who cares? Someone has found a way to get snobs to fork out big bucks to have a glass of warm s**t, and they have our undying respect.
7. $2,800 Pizza
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There's something magical about a pizza. You get hungry, make a call, and in less than an hour a scuzzy dude shows up at your door with a piping hot wheel of greasy goodness. A pizza hits the spot, is perfect for parties, and won't break the bank. Unless you're an idiot with more money than brains. If you are such an idiot, next time you have a craving for a pie, why not order up a Pizza Royale 007? Although it sounds like a really bad Italian ripoff of a James Bond movie, the Pizza Royale 007 is actually the most expensive pizza ever made. Created by Chef Domenoco Crolla, the 12-inch Royale 007 has an organic crust, sauce made from some expensive kind of tomatoes, and is topped with smoked salmon, venison medallions, cognac-marinated lobster, and champagne-soaked caviar. And oh yeah, just to beef up the price a little, there's flakes of 24-karat edible gold on top of everything. Worth $2,800, the pizza was actually made for charity, so at least somebody besides the rich jagoff who bought it benefited from its creation. Still, it took a lot of balls on Chef Crolla's part to make a $2,800 pizza and not chuck in some free crazy bread or a bottle of Pepsi at least.
6. $175 Cheese Sandwich
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The best thing about sandwiches is that you can make them out of anything. As long as it's between two pieces of bread, it's a sandwich. Best of all, they take almost zero effort to make, so you can feel pride in eating something you made yourself, even if all you did was open a package of bologna and squirt some mustard on it. If you're even lazier, you can even make a sandwich out of nothing but cheese. Now you may be asking, how the hell can you make an expensive version of the simplest prepared food in the history of mankind? Well, it helps if you're British. Those dudes can class up anything. One of them, a chef called Martin Blunos, took three pieces of sourdough bread and stuffed it so full of expensive cheese that some goof was willing to fork out the $175 he was charging for it. So the next time you're standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night in your underwear eating a slice of American cheese crammed between two slices of Wonder Bread, thank your lucky stars you weren't born British. Actually, that's probably a good thing to be thankful for no matter what you're doing.