In every movie and television show, the primary protagonist is going to need a little help overcoming that little hurdle we like to call the "plot." Whether he's fighting zombies or trying to score a date with the girl of his dreams, he's going to have obstacles in his way and he'll need all the backup he can, typically in the form of a best friend. Well, we know we're going to ruffle some feathers here, but sometimes those friends kind of suck.
Source: Paramount Pictures
By Jeff Kelly
10. Dewey Finn (School of Rock)
As it turns out, sometimes it's the protagonist himself who sucks at being a friend, as is the case with Dewey Finn. Now by the end of the film School of Rock, Dewey has redeemed himself to an extent and is on his way to becoming a responsible adult, but for most of the movie he's a selfish freeloader who mooches off of his best friend and roommate, openly hates his roommate's girlfriend, and, oh yeah, assumes his friend's identity in order to make money all while, let's face it, completely ruining any chance a bunch of kids have to actually learn anything. Rock and roll is fun and all, but something tells us that taking an entire semester off from actual academic learning might not have been the best thing for those kids down the road.
9. Moe Syzslak (The Simpsons)
Source: 20th Century Fox Television
Anytime one of your supposed "best friends" tries to cozy up to your wife, you have to seriously reconsider why the hell you're friends with that person in the first place. In Moe's case, he tried repeatedly to pry "Midge" away from Homer Simpson. Heck, even in the last Treehouse of Horrors special, Moe actually wrote a musical that was all about accidentally killing Homer and trying to steal Marge. On top of that, when Homer invented a great new drink, Moe stole the recipe, dubbed it the "Flaming Moe," made a fortune, and didn't give his buddy any of the credit. Yet after all these years Homer still calls Moe a friend. It probably helps his cause that he's the guy who gets Homer loaded so often.
8. Ralph Kramden (The Honeymooners)
Source: Paramount Pictures/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
We're not quite sure who Ralph Kramden is worse to: his best friend or his wife, who really could've done better. Ralph Kramden is the original television lout, yet for some reason he never wound up divorced and his best friend Ed Norton stuck by his side through every insult and smack to the back of the head, probably because, well, Ed was a bit of a dope who probably took those things as a sign of affection. Ralph is another one of those protagonists who, when you get right down to it, is actually kind of a dick. We're all for supporting the antihero, but that typically doesn't mean rooting for a guy who threatens his wife and verbally abuses his best friend. But then, the '50s were a simpler time, weren't they?
7. Mark (Garden State)
Source: Fox Searchlight
When Zach Braff's character returns home to New Jersey for his mother's funeral, he bumps into his old friend Mark pretty early in the trip. Mark, it seems, works at the cemetery. Oh, and he steals stuff right off the corpses (giving "graverobber" a whole new meaning). You can probably see where this is going, and why Mark is such a shady friend. If you haven't seen the movie but you guessed that among the coffins Mark has robbed, Braff's mom's is included, well you win a cookie. There is really only one reason that Mark is not higher up on this list, and that's because most of the shady crap he does throughout the movie is in order to retrieve one of the items he stole from Braff's mom's dead body to return to him. Still, we're not sure we could let the fact that he stole it in the first place slide quite so easily.
6. Todd Packer (The Office)
When it comes to the American version of The Office, there are several people you can point at as being bad friends, from Michael Scott to Dwight Schrute to Ryan Howard. However, none come close to comparing to Todd Packer, the guy Michael came up in the business world with and still idolizes despite the fact that he's one of the most obnoxious douchebags to ever grace the Scranton, Pennsylvania area. How bad of a friend is Todd Packer? Well, just ask yourself: if your friend broke into your office and took a giant steaming dump in the middle of the floor, would you consider that person a friend the next day? Yeah, neither would we.
5. Mike Damone (Fast Times at Ridgemont High)
Source: Universal Pictures
From the moment he walks onscreen, there's really no mistaking Mike Damone for what he truly is: a complete and utter dick. Yet still for whatever reason, Mark Ratner sticks up for him and takes his not-so-sage dating advice as gospel, because apparently Rat believes that this goofy looking tool knows what the hell he's talking about. And then, after Rat has finally found the courage to ask out the girl of his dreams, Mike steps in and bones her, which in turn leaves her impregnated. The one big difference between Mike Damone and everyone else on this list, however, is that by the end of the film even his former best friend realizes what a colossal ass he is.
4. Walter Sobchak (The Big Lebowski)
Source: Working Title Films
Now before you get too worked up about this one, we fully admit that Walter is completely loyal and, in his own demented way, well meaning. However, he's also completely unstable. He's a guy who has no problem with pulling a gun on a dude in the middle of a bowling alley, boasting that he can get you a severed toe, trashing an innocent man's car, diving out of a car with a loaded machine gun, or verbally abusing his good friend Donny throughout the film. Oh, and he gets The Dude and Donny involved in a parking lot brawl which basically leads to Donny dying of a heart attack and then proceeds to accidentally throw the ashes in Dude's face. But he really does mean well.
3. Ed (Shaun of the Dead)
Let's get this out of the way right off the bat: we love Ed. He's a lovable buffoon who enjoys playing video games, drinking beers, smoking weed, and generally just being lazy all day. And he's also an obnoxious, vulgar oaf who, when his best friend is first attacked by a zombie, thinks the appropriate course of action is to grab a camera and snap a photo. He also constantly makes lewd comments about Shaun's mom, and when the survivors are surrounded and trying to find shelter, he actually decides it's a good time to take a phone call, which in turn focuses the attention of every zombie on this little group, which had gone unnoticed. On the bright side, he's loyal and even after he's been turned into a zombie, he still makes a good video game partner.
2. Red (Pineapple Express)
Source: Relativity Media
Where do we even start with Red, Saul's dopey friend who enjoys making cakes for his cat almost as much as he likes selling out his friends in Pineapple Express? On the one hand, you've got to enjoy having a friend who is pretty much indestructible. Seriously, Red should have died about 12 times in this movie. On the other hand, though, he would have deserved about half of those deaths considering they came shortly after he either lured his friend Saul into a trap or when he actually tried to kill Saul and Saul's friend Dale himself in a giant brawl spanning the entirety of Red's house. At the end of the film he makes up for it, to an extent, when he finally works with Saul and Dale rather than against them, but this is also after he already bailed on Dale just moments before their planned rescue operation to save Saul. So, you know, screw Red.
1. Lloyd Christmas (Dumb and Dumber)
Source: Motion Picture Corporation of America
Bet you didn't see this one coming, did you? But think about it for a few minutes and you might start to realize that, hey, Lloyd Christmas really is just an awful friend at almost every turn. Now, he doesn't necessarily mean to be such a jerk to his best friend Harry. He's mainly just a lovelorn idiot with a sole purpose of trying to track down the woman of his dreams, and when he feels like Harry is threatening those dreams, well, he takes matters into his own hands and tries to sabotage his friend. But the thing is, Lloyd has absolutely no business taking out these frustrations on Harry because the fact of the matter is Lloyd banged the only woman Harry ever loved, too. Remember that little tidbit about Freda Felcher? So congratulations, Lloyd, you slept with your best friend's girlfriend, sabotaged his new friendship, nearly got him killed and, perhaps worst of all, ruined his chance to oil up Hawaiian Tropic models for a living. Clearly Lloyd is not only a bad friend, but also much, much dumber.