The Top 10 Most Lucrative Careers for Morons
5. Painting Supervisor
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Watching paint dry might be more boring than watching an interpretive dance reenactment of The Godfather trilogy, but at least you can get paid for it.
These princes of primer spend their days slapping the slick stuff on buildings and houses while monitoring and prepping job sites. So if you know how to move your arm in a straight line and show others how to do the same, you can get paid over $58,000 a year for your time. It’s the most profitable form of “stroking” any man can do.
4. Automobile Service Station Manager
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Gas station attendants might get paid next to nothing for basically showing up on time (stoned or not) and ringing up Ding Dongs in between glances of a Hustler magazine. His boss, however, makes enough to buy his own army of stoned, porn mag-reading, junk food pushers.
Gas and service station managers are basically business managers, but on a much smaller scale for an industry that regularly rakes in huge profits every single quarter. They can make just under $60,000 a year, depending on how well their parent companies are doing, which usually ranks somewhere between “frickin’ awesome” or “f***ing epic” (except for BP).
3. Flight Attendant
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If you like flying and being up in the wild blue yonder, but don’t have the patience to learn such useless trivia as how to read an altitude meter and what the flashing “Low Gas” light means, you can still find lucrative work in first class and coach.
Flight attendants are basically waitresses with longer breaks and shorter hours. They hop from plane to plane serving up drinks and flinging snacks at stressed out, jetlagged customers who don’t even have the energy to complain about putting too much ice in their soda. And they can make over $71,000 a year, not to mention all the free peanuts they can eat.
2. Gaming Manager
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Casinos aren’t fun for anyone in them, except the employees. They are the only ones who are making any money.
So why not be at the top of the gaming world’s crop, where the real action is? Gaming managers spend their days wandering the floors of the casino, watching the tables, and making sure everything is on the up by looking tough. So basically, the job requires some brisk walking and the occasional Robert De Niro impersonations, which can earn you up to $85,000 a year in chips.
1. Video Game Tester
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Remember when your mom yelled at you when you were a little kid because you spent too many hours in front of your Nintendo as she screamed “You’ll never making a living playing these damn games”?
Gaming studios and production companies hire testers to play their titles before they even see the glowing light of a store shelf to judge level difficulty and keep an eye for bugs. The most experienced button-mashers can make over $91,000 a year, presumably most of which is lost to carpal tunnel rehabilitation and thumb wart pads.