The Top 10 Worst Types of Fanboys

February 26, 2009

Fanboys – people that are fanatical about a particular type of technology – should be loaded into a special space ship that flies directly from Earth to the burning, white-hot center of the Sun. Do these people even stop to think that the companies they so blindly defend could really care less? How can someone have blind devotion to a circuit board and transistors? Fanatacism isn’t always a negative thing, but guess what? Right now, in this list, it’s a really *&%ing horrible thing. Source: Peter Griffith/Photographer's Choice/Getty Images

By Reverend Danger

The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.

10. Fangirl

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Source: Chris Stein/The Image Bank/Getty Images

Fangirl is at 10 because they are rare, those that exist are not nearly as annoying as their male counterparts, and their main obsession is to dress up like sexy versions of whatever they’re obsessed with. Nothing wrong with that. The only reason they made the list at all is because they're constantly trying to prove that they know as much or are as good as the guys. It can be annoying, but every male nerd spends half his life looking for one to love. 

Forum Battle Cry: I hate fanboys!

9. Comic Book Fanboy

These kids have come out of the woodwork since, in the last decade or so, every comic book ever is getting a movie.  I bet you can’t count on your adamantium claws the number of times you’ve heard, “Oh, I read that book for at least 10 years before the movie ever came out,” followed by some snide remark about the original artwork or plotline being butchered.

Form Battle Cry: Worst ____ Ever.

8. Star Wars Fanboy

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Source: Emmanual Duand/AFP/Getty Images

The Star Wars Fanboy never got over the series as a whole, and never got over their childhood, either.  Even when the first three chapters were sloughed into theaters like placenta, they defended them as pushing the bounds of cinema and the Star Wars universe. Only a true fanatic can dress like a soldier from a universe that never existed--in his '40s. At least cosplayers are young and allowed to be stupid.

Forum Battle Cry: Rdddrdrdrddrrddrd (in the style of Chewbacca)

7.Xbot 

The Xbox fanboy, or Xbot, is mired in denial. He refuses to admit that the Red Ring of Death exists, and he conveniently reminds everyone that the Nintendo Wii--the console that's kicking his console's butt--isn't technically a competitor because it's a toy. He takes the good with the bad, though. Just kicking Sony's butt is consolation enough after taking it up the tailpipe with the first Xbox.

Forum Battle Cry: At least I don’t have a mortgage on my console. 

6. Nintendrone

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The Nintendrone is blindly faithful to the cartoony fun of all things from the Mushroom Kingdom. The sad irony is that these folks have spent the last decade furiously defending Nintendo as it failed time and again, and now that Nintendo is back on top, the video game giant has basically abandoned them. Years ago the Nintendo fanboy would have topped this list, but they've been gorging on humble pie so long that the taste of success isn't all that sweet.

Forum Battle Cry: My Mii looks like me!  

5. Sony Defense Force

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Source: Sony Defense Force

As the PlayStation 3 struggles to find its footing, it's hard to feel sorry for the angry, bitter Sony Defense Force. They sat at the top of the mountain for 10 long years, and now they're having a hard time losing with dignity. Instead of accepting that the PS3 is overpriced and its software library not worth the extra cash, they accuse the world of conspiring against them. According to them, every last person that reviews video games is either an idiot or bought-off by Microsoft. If only they could look at themselves with the same critical eye.

Forum Battle Cry: They R teh BIAS!

4. iPhone Fanboy

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Source: FilmMagic/Getty Images

The iPhone – it accounts for the largest market share of any single phone, and I just hate the people that can’t resist shoving that, and their stupid Where to Find Baby Powder for my Delicate Hiney application in my face. I get it.  It’s a very pretty phone.  It’s very sleek.  I don’t care.  The Nokia E70 calls people, too.  It also has a better browser and a better keyboard and isn’t for namby pamby fanboys. 

Forum Battle Cry: I have an app for that!

3. WoW Fanboy

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Source: AFP/Getty Images

It's hard to hate the WoW fanboy too much because you never interact with them. He's atleast as much of a danger to himself as he is to us.  He sits in his basement for as long as it takes to assert himself as the pinnacle of virtual achievement. Talking to a World of Warcraft maniac is like speaking to an alien, and about as interesting as hearing a beat story from a poker addict. What places them so high on this list is that if you ask them what's so great about the game, they can't come up with a single thing. Oh, and then there's spending real money to buy virtual money. 

Forum Battle Cry: Lerooooooy Jenkins!

2. PC Snob

The PC Snob is the diametric opposite of (and a response to) the Mac fanboy. They didn't even know that they were PC fanboys until the Mac creeps decided to make a big deal out of it. Now they spend most of their time talking about all the free programs and shareware you can only get on a personal computer, or how real-time strategy games and first-person shooters should only be played with a mouse and keyboard. Most of their time isn’t spent raising the PC up on a pedestal – it’s pretty much market saturated. Rather, their forum time is spent comparing and contrasting PCs with their mortal enemies, the Macs.  Generally this is accomplished with a heavy-handed flame war.

Forum Battle Cry: Kombatibility is King

1. Mac Fanboys

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Source: Plencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Ugh.  Mac fanboys are the worst of the worst. I mean I hate iPhonephiles, but the Mac fanboy encompasses them and takes the dogma to a whole new, awful level.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything against Apple.  I like their design aesthetic, and their devices work well, but just cause I eat at Burger King doesn’t mean I don’t want to get a Frostee from Wendy’s every now and again. Mac fanboys foolishly believe that any art-related program runs better on their machine and that they will never get a virus. At least they're willing to play a video game console every once in a while. They don't really have a choice since there aren't many games for Macs. Maybe it’s the cult of soon-to-be-martyred Steve Jobs, but something is causing this clique to be the most grating on the interwebz. . 

Forum Battle Cry: I’m a Mac (uttered dismissively with a raised eyebrow) 

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