The Top 10 Celebrities That Look Like Random Objects
After many years of numerous publications taking aim at all things famous, making fun of celebrities has become really hard work these days. Thanks, Internetz! Although, sometimes you need to get a little creative, use your noodle, and just point out the obvious.
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10. Kirstie Alley – Bag of Wet Laundry
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I know it’s mean to compare Kirstie Alley to a bag of laundry, but I don’t really have sympathy for a rich celebrity who has all the tools around her to lose weight and can’t.
On her show Big Life, Alley shares the story of her losing the weight she gained back since her Jenny Craig campaign. Such a hard life she has. I don’t care if she actually loses the weight or not, I just find it weird that she’s made an entire career for herself by just losing and gaining weight at random. Not only does Kirstie Alley look like a giant bag of laundry, the way she fluctuates weight, she’s really no different than the actual bag getting empted and refilled throughout the years. Sorry, mama.
9. Paris Hilton – Busted Barbie
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I can think of a lot of malnutritioned Hollywood floozies that are the true epitome of what a young girl should strive NOT to be, but Paris is just the creme de la crème when it comes this category.
The Barbie Doll has been a staple for little girls dreaming of the ideal lady-like life since 1959. Most young ladies have been completely fixated with the plastic fashion doll and even have had dreams of having her perfect looks and fairytale-like life. Times have changed, though. Hollywood socialites like Paris Hilton have taken over the spotlight when it comes to the attention of young girls obsessed with being beautiful/fashionable. Paris is kinda like the anti-Barbie. Did you know that a Barbie with a lower back tattoo was released last year? Girls like Paris have completely changed the game and helped turn America’s female youth--as well as Barbie--into anorexic sluts constantly on spring break. Thanks, Paris ; )
8. Larry King – Sock Puppet
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Is Larry King even real a person anymore? Can he even talk? When I watch him do interviews I truly think that the people over at CNN have a pole suck up his rear and make him speak through the magic of television. The man is basically just a pair of suspenders and not much else. Have you ever listened to his questions? He has slid to become one of the worst at what he does. This is why I believe that there is a dyslexic 8-year old controlling his every move puppeteer-style. It also sounds like he’s reading Dr. Seuss books backwards. This is the only way you could make any sense of what Larry does on a nightly basis.
7. Spencer Pratt – Douche/Douchebag
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I’ll be brief with this one because Spencer Pratt is already the most hated man on the Internet and I really don’t think I’m gonna lay out points here that are gonna push people over the edge.
Do human beings really get any worse than Spencer Pratt? Answer: Not really. With that said, what better way could you describe him than with a reference to a device used to introduce a stream of water into the body. Now it is true that a douche is meant to cleanse and rinse any body cavity, but as most women already know, it eventually does more harm than good. The same goes for Spencer. You give him a chance in the beginning just cause you think he’s being purposely ridiculous, but after a few Hills sessions, he’s become a virus and you’re now forced to deal with the monster you helped create.
6. Lindsay Lohan – Semi-Rotten Banana
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Every time you look at LiLo you can pretty much see what’s in her future. It’s inevitable. I’m not trying to be a jerk here. I’m just saying what we all know in our hearts.
Lindsay is that banana on your desk that’s still kinda good even though it has a few brown spots on it. Although the most important question is how long will it be good for? Lindsay is no different. She may look sorta cute in the face and still have some decent curves, but how long before she is completely rotten to the core? I say a few more nights at the bar and she’s ready for the garbage.