Undeadly Weapons for British Crowd Control

September 8, 2008

Most police forces outside of the United States don't carry firearms.  At least not firearms that shoot bullets like ours.  They shoot other, wussier bullets that don't actually kill anybody.  Namby-pamby though they may be, you have to respect the creativity required to come up with these 5 less-than-lethal weapons currently being explored by the Brits.  

1. Malodorants:  Known to you and I (since the second grade) as stink bombs, these devices create a cloud of noxious gas (like your aunt from New Jersey).


2. Pepper Ball Guns:  Not for condimental use.  Pepper ball guns are famously used by my hero, Dog the Bounty Hunter, to immobilize cat burglars, etc. They work exactly like paintball guns except you cry from pain not from the shame of defeat. 

3. Sticky Nets:  It's not enough to net your foe, nor is it enough to stickify them.  The sticky nets do both of those things, then shock the hell out of them with powerful electric currents.

4. Microwave Guns:  No word yet on whether they cook a hot pocket in record time. These directed energy weapson make a perpetraitor feel as if his or her skin is sizzlng right off their body.  When, in actuality, it isn't!  It just excites water molecules in the top few layers of skin to make it seem that way.  Psych!

5. Immobiliser glue:  It's a big glue gun!  This would look really good retrofitted into a supervillain's costume.  Perhaps we'll call him The Slug, or The Sinus Infection.