The A to Z of Boners

March 12, 2009

In this blog, we explore the man-jestic nature of one of God's greatest gifts using rhyme for extra "edutainment."

Source: Koichi Kamoshida/Getty Images

A is for A-frame, the shape in your pants.
B is for blood, filling in capillaries’ cracks.

C is for your c***, which rises with the sun.
D is for dong, a word that’s lots of fun.

E is for ecstasy, which can cause priapism.
F is for fellatio, to bridge any schism.

G is for girls, the targets for your boner.
H is for half-chub, in need of some toner. 

I is for id, the fuel take for your love rocket.
J is for jerkin’ it, when no ladies are on the docket.

K is for KY Jelly, to keep things smooth.
L is for lover, on whom you put moves.

M is for maidenhead, the front gates for your stiffy.
N is for no condom, a proposition that is iffy.

O is for o-face, an inevitable pantomime.
P is for porn, it has its own place and time.

Q is for quickie, like a sprint race for dicks.
R is for reverse cowgirl, a great way to get kicks.

S is for Suicide Girls, they’re a sure-fire prescription.
T is for tattoos, always giving us erections.

U is for uvula, your girl’s oral finish line.
V is for vulva, a favorite of mine.

W is for wide-body, for those of us buyin’ Magnums
X is for x-treme, because tantric sex is tiresome.

Y is for youth, a training ground for wood.
Z is doing like ZZ Top, “Use it like a new boy should.”