The Top 10 Worst Artists To Win a Grammy

January 29, 2010

There have been a lot of so-called artists over the years that have won Grammys that truly didn’t deserve them in the first place. For an award that is held in such high regard, it’s a bit perplexing how the Grammy voters just hand out the coveted gilded gramophone statuettes like they were freakin’ Dum Dum lollipops.

10. Celine Dion

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Just because you have a great voice doesn’t mean you can create great music. Celine Dion is pretty much the quintessential example of this scenario.

Dion has been given a handful of gilded gramophones in her day and most definitely did not deserve any of them. No one is questioning Celine’s respectable vocal chops, it’s her soulless music and psychotic stage antics that make her impact on music nothing more than a wart that needs to be removed. Some people may think that huge pop epics like “My Heart Will Go On” are good for the music industry, but songs this overdramatic have a serious way of dumbing down music listeners with each and every play.

 

9. Enya

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Giving out an award for Best New Age Album is pretty much the equivalent of some random kid winning Most Improved Soccer Player at fat camp.

Irish vocalist Enya has nabbed four Grammys over the years and has dominated the genre by selling over 26.5 million records in the United States alone. As far as the pop world goes, I can understand why sh***y artists like Britney Spears and 'N Sync sell records, but I honestly cannot wrap my head around why Enya is so popular and how she has been so successful. Her music is basically just piano white noise with someone humming fantasy-inspired gibberish on top of it.

She also has to have some of the worst song titles of all-time. “Waterfall,” “Relaxation,” and "The Memory of the Trees" have to be my least favorite. Lord of the Rings fans must eat this s*** up.

By the way, if you're thinking it, Yanni has never won a Grammy.

8. Nelly

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I gotta say that Nelly’s only okay song is “Country Grammar” and the only real reason why is because of the beat and production. "Hot in Herre" is a close second. Either way, the dude is bum.

Nelly won Best Male Rap Solo Performance for "Hot in Herre" and somehow beat out Eminem for "Without Me" to boot. He also found himself on the winning side of things for his collaboration with Kelly Rowland for "Dilemma." I know most awards don’t mean s*** to begin with and the Rap Solo category has been a mess since day one, but I still can’t understand how this clown got praise for his work.

Nelly is not only a joke of an MC, he’s also one of the key players in the early-‘00s that helped turn hip-hop into a bubblegum pop package ripe ‘n ready for MTV. Even calling the song "Dilemma" a "Rap Collaboration" is an insult to the genre.  

7. Hootie & The Blowfish

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1996 was a rough year in pop music, and Hootie had the very easy task of beating out Alanis Morissette, Joan Osborne, and Shania Twain for the Best New Artist Grammy. Luckily for them, the people who gave them this award were very fond of horrible, sentimental soft-rock. When I sit back and think about some of the worst artists of the ‘90s, Hootie is always on the top of my list. I’m not saying that some of the dudes in the band aren’t talented musicians. I’m just saying that they were just a group of guys who chose to water down their skills and create popular pop hits to sell more records. Although, I guess Hootie didn’t know at the time that they had recorded songs that were basically the equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease.

6. All-4-One

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All-4-One's ear-bleeding hit "I Swear" won a Grammy in 1995 for Best Pop Performance by a Duo or Group and it also stood atop the Billboard charts at #1 for eleven weeks. *Facepalm*

I will accept that these guys do have some decent pipes and can harmonize pretty good, but the direction they decided to take their careers with “I Swear” instantly put them on long list of other horrible groups that have poisoned the well with even more bubblegum trash. "I Swear" is up there with some of the most annoying songs ever recorded, and the group themselves are truly one of the cheesiest the music scene has ever seen.

It makes my head want to implode that idiots like All-4-One can get a Grammy while legendary artists like Neil Young have never once took a statuette home. Balls.

 

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5. Britney Spears

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For an artist as fabricated and fake as Britney Spears, it’s very sad to think that she actually received the Best Dance Recording Grammy for her hit “Toxic” back in 2004. Yes, it is a catchy pop tune, but Britney is the epitome of what should be banned from music, and the fact that she won any award for her so-called "artistic work" is just plain laughable. Britney Spears, the pop star, is a manufactured product and no different than a can of Pepsi Cola. She also can’t sing a song to save her life. Musical technology has treated this girl very well and also helped put a Grammy on her mantel.

 

4. Michael Bolton

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For those that don’t know, Michael Bolton has won two Grammys and has been nominated four times for Best Pop Vocals. Are you confused how this is possible? Well, large quantities of music listeners are cattle and it seems the Grammy award-givers are no different.

In 1990, Bolton beat out Billy Joel for "We Didn't Start the Fire" and Prince for "Batdance." These aren’t the greatest songs ever written, but they are sure as s*** better than Bolton’s “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You.”

This is proof that lonely Midwestern housewives should not be allowed to purchase music.

 

3. Puff Daddy

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The fact Puff Daddy won a Grammy proved overnight that any Joe Blow in the world could do the same if they just ripped off older artists and used their great music as their own.

Diddy has won three Grammy Awards, but most notably took home the prize for Best Rap Album in 1998. I can’t lie that there are still a few solid jams No Way Out that I like, but they’re only because of Biggie. That being said, No Way Out is mostly just a covers record from start to finish. Almost every single song on the album has a hook on it that was blatantly ripped off from a well-known classic. Also, Puffy is not a musician or even a real producer. He just attaches his name as a co-producer and takes credit for someone else’s work. Every song on No Way Out is like this.

Somehow, hacks like Puff can con their way into receiving awards. Quincy Jones must be rolling his eyes as we speak.

 

2. Milli Vanilli

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A fake musical group won a Grammy. Yes, they got it taken away, but the Grammy committee did honor the pop/dance music "project" with a Best New Artist award in 1990.

There are probably a number of musical acts that aren’t the real artist on the record, but Fab and Rob were the only ones to actually get caught red-handed. Blunders this terrible show that the Grammy people should've done a little more homework before blindly handing out an award based purely on album sales and popularity alone.

 

1. Baha Men

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I bet you when the Baha Men covered the abomination “Who Let the Dogs Out” back in 2000 they had no idea that it would make ears bleed form coast to coast for all eternity.

Not only was this song the fourth-biggest selling single of 2000 in the U.K., it also nabbed a Grammy for Best Dance Recording. Are you kidding me? Who are these prestigious Grammy committees made up of? My guess is a class of third graders overdosing on Jolt Cola and Sour Patch Kids.

There are very few songs I can think of off the top of my head that are as annoying as “Who Let the Dogs Out.” Very few. And only in America would we honor such a group for accomplishing such a idiotic feat. I gotta know who decided that this was the best dance recording on planet Earth in the year 2001. What an outrage. I would have taken that crappy "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" song by Eiffel 65 over this de-evolutionizing abomination any day.

 

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