Tim Tebow running for president, Utah throwing games, and Ohio State holding the Big Ten hostage. Lots of exciting storylines circling the top five battles of the college football weekend, so let's dive right in and take a look at the action.
(1) Florida at South Carolina
If the Republican Party wants to salvage what’s left of their chances to retake the White House in 2012, they should give some serious consideration to promoting Tim Tebow as their candidate. He’s wildly popular amongst young voters that the Democrats tend to rely on, the religious groups will appreciate his awkward friendship with Jesus Christ, and most importantly, he knows how to win races that he has no business being in the discussion for. This season, Tebow doesn’t crack the top 25 in any major statistical category, has struggled offensively all year, yet is still the frontrunner in early Heisman polls. Underqualified, charismatic, and popular? This could be Barack Obama’s ultimate competitor! Just watch Tebow play against former Gators head coach Steve Spurrier this week. He will show the leadership required to bring this country into the 21st century (which, let’s be honest – we haven’t quite crossed the threshold of yet). Tebow in 2012!
Prediction: Tebow wins 31-0, then ascends directly to heaven during a post-game interview.
(16) Utah at (4) TCU
The board of shadowy and mysterious figures controlling the BCS will be on the edge of their gold-plated thrones when last year’s BCS buster travels to whatever town Texas Christian University plays in, to take on a school that calls themselves the Horned Frogs. If TCU is able to win this game, the only teams standing between them and an undefeated season will be New Mexico and Wyoming (yes, Wyoming has a football team). What may make this game even more interesting is the symbolic nature of the match-up. Thanks to their 2008 undefeated run that culminated in a Sugar Bowl ass-kicking of the favored Alabama Crimson Tide, Utah has essentially paved the way for TCU to stake a claim in the championship discussion if they end up 12-0 this year. There’s probably some sort of Karate Kid or Full House metaphor to help explain this better.
Prediction: Utah throws the game, just to screw the BCS. TCU wins 21-10.
Notre Dame at (12) Pittsburgh
Notre Dame got a head start on paying tribute to the troops for Veterans Day last Saturday by letting a Navy team filled with actual students and zero NFL caliber players beat them at home. Whoever said Charlie Weis is an unpatriotic tub of lard who couldn’t coach his way out of the box of doughnuts he eats between breakfasts is only half right. This week, however, the Fighting Irish will play a red-hot Pittsburgh team with very little ties to the armed forces. Buffets are expensive and Weis knows that Hometown Buffets stopped accepting food stamps, so expect him to let Jimmy Clausen lose on a vulnerable Panthers’ defense. Clausen is, for some inexplicable reason, a Heisman candidate, and will use his electrifying receiver Golden Tate to further his candidacy. If they both return next season, the only player in the country who may challenge Clausen for the 2010 Heisman will be Pitt running back Dion Lewis. The Darren Sproles-style player is the best athlete nobody is talking about and will be the best player in the country within 12 months. Watch him!
Prediction: Notre Dame finally gets things going and pulls the upset 33-30.
(14) Miami at North Carolina
Two years ago, the Miami Hurricanes banked the number one recruiting class in the country. High school stars like Jacory Harris and Sean Spence decided they wanted to put the luster back on “The U” and less than 18 months later they’ve done just that. The Canes are 6-2, in prime position to win the ACC and get back to their first BCS game in quite some time. They are fast, exciting, and showing the arrogant swagger that the college football world has missed. People are getting sick of humble champions, and this team is America’s best hope for a squad that isn’t afraid to celebrate beating Rutgers at home by 51 points with a mild crime spree like they just won the Super Bowl. Catch a glimpse of this squad while there’s still room on the bandwagon, because next year they may be the top team in the preseason rankings.
Prediction: Miami makes a statement 31-10.
(10) Iowa at (11) Ohio State
Iowa did a nice job of keeping the Big Ten out of the National Title game by losing to a Northwestern team that usually plays with a "scoring optional" policy. They do, however, still have the inside track on the Big Ten Championship if they can travel to the most annoying place on the planet and defeat an Ohio State team that seems to really be improving under their sweater-vested bench boss. Terrelle Pryor is a game-changer (sometimes in a good way) and will have the chance to get his team to the Rose Bowl with an upset victory. The winner of this game will have the chance to lose to USC/Oregon by four touchdowns on New Year's Day, so make sure to check out how this one unfolds.
Prediction: Ohio State wins 2-0 (unless there’s any way to win 1-0 that I’m just not aware of).
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