The Top 10 Biggest Douchebags of 2009

December 29, 2009

Sadly the douchebag is still alive and well in America. They creep among us in a glaringly obvious way with their poor sense of style, over-inflated sense of self-worth, and all-round bad behavior. The problem with the douchebag is they’re not self-aware. They're so caught up in themselves they don’t realize they’re 100 percent douche..unless of course, we name them and shame them.

Source: Michael Caulfield/WireImage/Michael Kovac/FilmMagic/Ethan Miller/Getty Images


10. Christian Bale


Source: Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage

After the success of The Dark Knight last year it seemed Christian Bale could do no wrong. That all changed early this year when an audio recording was leaked of Bale screaming and shouting at Director of Photography Shane Hurlbut on the set of Terminator Salvation. The angry tirade had a psychotic Bale hurling a mountain of abuse at Hurlbut, swearing at him, and threatening him. Once released, the recording went viral and Bale quickly became the butt of endless jokes and parodies.

Bale publicly apologized, saying the outburst was “inexcusable” and that he’d “acted like a punk.” However the damage was done. His effort at public redemption failed and no one who went to see Terminator Salvation saw it without thinking of Bale’s crazed outburst.


9. The ShamWow Guy


Source: Michael Loccisano/Getty Images

The infomercial pitchman made prime time this year when he was arrested and charged with felony aggravated battery for allegedly beating up a prostitute. The ShamWow guy, who’s real name is Vince Shlomi, was arrested in South Beach, Florida after a fracas with Sasha Harris, a 26-year-old $1,000-a-night hooker. Shlomi claimed it was Harris who began the fight when she “bit his tongue and would not let go.” But wait, there’s more!

Not content with a little rough play, the ShamWow guy punched the living bejesus out of  his hooker acquaintance with his own form of "slap and chop." The prostitute gave as good as she got, though, leaving the TV pitchman bloodied and bruised. Luckily for Shlomi the charges were later dropped.


8. Michael Lohan


Source: Splash News

Michael Lohan is fast becoming the poster boy for deadbeat dads. This year Mr. Lohan proved how much of leech he is by leaking audio conversations he recorded with his famous daughter Lindsay and with Lindsay’s mother (his ex-wife). He explained that his actions were intended to help his troubled daughter see the light and get help, but we all know the real reason -- cash.

The ex-con is a bottom-feeder who uses his daughter’s celebrity to grab attention and make a quick buck. He even latched onto loser reality TV star Jon Gosselin, offering him advice on divorce and parenting. Who in their right mind would take any advice from Michael Lohan? Have you seen how his daughter turned out? I suppose if you had a father like Michael, then you’d be severely screwed up too.


7. Tila Tequila


Source: Michael Kovac/FilmMagic/Getty Images

What did Tila Tequila actually do this year? You mean apart for being a douchebagette? Well then the answer is "not much." The former reality television star did all she could to keep herself in the public spotlight. Publicity is this woman’s crack and her addiction is chronic. When she wasn’t posting booty-shaking videos on her website, she was showing off her fake breasts on pretty much any red carpet that would have her.

Tila really hit it big in the publicity department in September after an incident with NFL player Shawne Merriman. She alleges she was assaulted by the linebacker, while he says she was drunk and disorderly. Whatever the case, all charges were dropped. She is currently suing Merriman, presumably hoping for a big payday.

Tila also showed her catty side this year in a feud with singer Rihanna. Tila recently took to her blog and wrote that she had it on good authority that the rumor Rihanna was beaten by Chris Brown because she had herpes was 100 percent true. Who does this? Oh, someone craving attention, that's who.


6. Richard Heene a.k.a. Balloon Boy's Dad


Source: Splash News

You may not instantly know the name Richard Heene, but you are probably aware of his work. Heene is the man behind the Balloon Boy hoax, an event that literally stopped the nation in its tracks. The incident went down on October 15th, 2009, when Richard falsely claimed his 6-year-old son Falcon had floated away in a homemade weather balloon. Authorities stepped in, the cable news networks turned up, and the nation was glued to their television sets as the rescue operation played out live.

When the balloon landed the boy was nowhere to found and was instead “discovered” hiding in the roof of the family home. Richard, a one-time actor/comedian and full-time attention seeker, milked the incident for all it was worth. He appeared on numerous news programs and shopped around a reality television show involving his family.

However the story was too good to be true. During an interview with Wolf Blitzer, little Falcon said to his father, “You guys said that, um, we did this for the show.” At first Richard tried to lie his way out of the gaffe, throwing his kid under the bus and saying he was tired. The police investigated and soon after Richard fessed up to the whole sorry mess. Pathetic.


5. Nadya Suleman a.k.a. Octomom


Source: Headlinephoto/FilmMagic/Getty Images

At first, the Octomom story seemed like a warm, light-hearted news item about a suburban mom who miraculously gave birth to eight babies. However the story changed when the mother, Nadya Suleman, emerged and well, turned out to be a freak. Nadaya, who was given the affectionate nickname Octomom, already had six children when she decided to undergo IVF in a quest for even more children.

When the octuplets arrived the now 34-year-old did not have a partner or a job, she lived with her parents, was on welfare, and reportedly spent a chunk of change having plastic surgery to resemble Angelina Jolie. She hardly screams "Mom of the Year." And then, like the walking publicity hound she is, Octomom cashed in with a reality show. This means we are likely to be bombarded with her image and annoying witch-like laugh for a very, very long time.

At least we’re not her kids.


4. Glenn Beck


Source: Michael Caulfield/WireImage/Getty Images

Glenn Beck is a bag of hot air whose FOX News Network show debut at the beginning of the year, instantly becoming a mega success. Beck spends the show huffing and puffing, ranting and raving his thoughts, which aren't so much news as some sort of opinion entertainment. Fueling hate and fear, Beck has fast become the idol of the Teabaggers activists. Even some conservatives are wary of him, worried that he's hurting the Republican Party and the conservative movement in general.

He may be on the fringe, but his outspoken views have won him a very loyal and dedicated following. His show outrates his competitors on CNN, MSNBC, and Headline News combined. While viewers may be jumping on in droves, we can take heart that advertisers are not. 2010 is going to be an interesting year for Mr. Beck.


3. Tiger Woods


Source: Charles Eshelman/FilmMagic/Getty Images

The spectacular fall from grace of golf’s greatest player is one of the biggest news stories of the year. Tiger Woods was at the top of his game and seemingly had it all. He was the squeaky clean sportsman with the beautiful wife and children and multi-million dollar endorsements. Then it disappeared, almost overnight.

Tiger’s world came crashing down as a result of a minor car accident outside his Florida home on Thanksgiving. The crash wasn’t so important. Rather it was the rumor that Tiger crashed because he was trying to flee his golf club-wielding wife, who had supposedly learned that Woods had a mistress. The exact reasons behind the car crash may never be known as the crash itself has quickly become a sidenote in the story. What made the story so huge were the scores of women who came forward admitting to affairs with the superstar of golf. At last count, the tally of Tiger’s mistresses had reached 14. Having an affair is one thing, but cheating on your wife with 14 different women is the epitome of douchebaggery.


2. Jon Gosselin


Source: Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Jon Gosellin started the year as a simple reality television dad on Jon & Kate Plus 8, a little show on TLC that barely anyone had heard of or even watched. By year’s end he’d become a household name and one of the biggest douchebags of the year. As the year progressed his wimpy, I-need-to-grow-a-pair behavior worsened, his Ed Hardy t-shirts became louder, and he wouldn’t leave his house without diamond studs in his ears and his hair-plugged hair slicked back.

His fall from grace began with the disintegration of his marriage to Kate. It soon became evident that Jon had cheated, bedding numerous, questionably attractive women, including his children’s nanny. The couple announced their divorce on national television and pretty much every step in this tawdry drama played out in the tabloid media. Since then Kate has handled herself in a quiet and relatively dignified way. Whereas Jon has done completely the opposite, removing money from an account that pays for his children’s living expenses and using the media as a way to vent his anger at his ex-wife.

Jon Gosselin is a prime example of how fame can mess with a person’s head and destroy them. By year’s end he’d been booted from the television show that made him a fleeting star and ordered by a judge not to make any media appearances. All of a sudden his promising media-whore career is in tatters.


1. Kanye West


Source: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic/Getty Images

Kanye West has always been cocky and his penchant for crashing awards shows is well-known. The rapper simply can't help himself and loves being the center of attention and having a platform on which to give his two cents. But this year he really exceeded and outclassed himself when he stormed the stage at MTV’s Video Music Awards while Taylor Swift was accepting her award for Best Female Video.

Kanye not only stole Taylor’s thunder and microphone, he then ranted that the country music star was not deserving of the award. A shocked Swift didn’t know what to do, looking like a little girl who had just been told Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Not only had Kayne ruined her night, he also showed his true colors to an entire nation.

Congrats, Kanye. You are the biggest douchebag of the year.