It's a danger on the beach just waiting to happen. You don't know when it will strike, but it will: some old guy in a Speedo. It's a horrible, terrible thing, seeing that gut spill over the band as it hugs his crotch like a coat of paint...but one man in his 60s is fighting against this nightmare.
Who? Roy Lester, 61, of New York State. Lester is suing the state of New York because they tried to make him wear a Speedo for the annual lifeguard swim test. Lester, who is of the opinion that men his age shouldn't be wearing insanely tight briefs, got fired for wanting to wear bike shorts.
Lester says it best: "There should be a law prohibiting anyone over the age of 50 from wearing a Speedo." Before his firing for having some taste and respect for the rest of us, Lester had been a lifeguard for 40 years. So, he did what any self-respecting American would do: took the state to court, arguing that the law was discriminatory and designed to force out aging lifeguards.
He forgot to add that men in their 50s in a Speedo are a direct violation of several laws about war crimes, and also drives down property values. We support Roy Lester in his fight to make our beaches just that much more civilized. Or at least to help us keep that overpriced hot dog down when the senior citizens attack the beach.