The 10 Lamest Cinematic Attempts to Make Animals Scary
5. Black Sheep
Source: Australasian Film Ltd.
In my mind, the only people who are allowed to be afraid of sheep are people who consider cute creatures to be inherently evil or people who are actually afraid that a new superior race will turn humans into some kind of tacky Christmas sweater.
This New Zealand import tries to tap into those fears by turning their most abundant livestock into killer creatures that follow George Romero’s rules of “zombieism,” but they come off as more funny than frightening. Anything that can be dispatched by covering it in mint jelly and roasting it an oven for two and three quarters of an hour can’t be scary, no matter how much evil you stuff inside of it.
4. Let the Right One In
Source: Magnolia Pictures
Cats don’t scare people. Cat people scare people, just like guns, drugs, and Kathie Lee Gifford Christmas specials.
The original Swedish version of this vampire tale isn’t about animals on human homicide, but it does feature an almost comical animal attack scene that tries to make felines the Manson family of the animal world. A character get ganged up by a group of kittens from head to toe as they eventually push her down a long flight of stairs, but the sub-standard CGI used to depict the scene makes it almost laughable. Garfield was never this funny and probably would be if he turned on Jon for refusing to serve him his daily pan of lasagna.
3. Attack of the Giant Leeches
Source: American International Pictures
Any animal that can be defeated by washing properly and avoiding swimming in sewage wastewater will never be scary.
This low budget horror flick from the late 1950s attempts to disprove that sad fact of nature by growing them to grotesque sizes and sicking them on anything with two legs. Unfortunately, the limited special effects of the time failed to elicit the screams that the producers so desperately tried to pull out of the audiences since the creatures just look like giant bags of clipped grass attached themselves to their human victims. In fact, it would have been scarier if they just called the movie Attack of the Giant Bags of Yard Trimmings.
2. The Swarm
Source: Warner Bros.
Killer bees have been scaring mankind since the last slow news days of your local TV news team. A giant swarm of the African menace is making its way up the continental U.S. and headed towards you if you don’t lock all of your doors, barricade your windows, and tune in precisely at 10 pm.
This attempt at harnessing the fear-mongering power of the insect menace from disaster movie legend Irwin Allen failed miserably because even the majesty of the movies could make the threat believable. In fact, the thing that really killed this cruddy cult classic is the acting, despite the fact that it features four Academy-Award winning actors including Michael Caine and Olivia de Havilland.
1. Night of the Lepus
Source:A.C. Lyles Productions
So far we’ve covered giant flesh-hungry fish, giant flesh-hungry sheep, and giant flesh-hungry cats, but prepare yourself for the true horror of this list. The horror from knowing that Hollywood actually thought they could make these cute little fuzzballs scary.
This legendary flop from 1972 starred such big names as Psycho starlet Janet Leigh and Star Trek’s DeForest Kelly, but it’s true star was its title’s scientific namesake: a school of giant flesh hungry...RABBITS! The hilarious “attack” scene features the cute little creatures hopping after humans on a miniature set. The only way this horrific horror film could make you pee your pants is from uncontrollable laughter.