Tiger Woods May Get Some Company in Rehab

March 1, 2010

Smoking, drinking, and knocking up random females is not as cool as NBA stars or the Dunkin Donuts guy would have you believe. Just ask this monkey, who is being forced into rehab after a bender that even Charlie Sheen would call excessive.

Zhora, who lives in a Russian zoo, has developed an addiction to cigarettes and alcohol that have reportedly hurt his daily performances.

In a completely real (and in no way made up) quote, one newspaper said that "the beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze."


Because going to the zoo and having a smoking monkey (who has reportedly fathered multiple children within the park) ask to borrow one of my beers sounds like the single greatest thing ever… seriously, ever!

If I ran a Russian zoo (which ranks slightly below “produce a romantic comedy starring Lou Holtz and Lindsay Lohan" on my bucket list), I would encourage more animals to take up John Daly-style habits.

Imagine giraffes with unregistered handguns or a meth lab in the elephant cages. The possibilities are both endless and amazing!

Photo: Montreal Gazette