Oh booth babes of E3, we hardly knew ye. Here's a retrospective of the game-themed, sexually frustrating spokes-models of E3s past.
#5 : E3 2006
The nerds rise again. Nancy McCrumb as pigtail'd hostess sports a Mario shirt and focuses on the costumes and roles of the girls in question. Thank goodness, Nancy. You know us well. Peer into our souls and tease us ever so slightly. She still acknowledges that maybe the G3-ers aren't at the top of the sexy food chain, but at least she doesn't try to eat us.
Spike: What's the point of boob zipper pockets?
Runner up Spike: Every girls' little dream is to grow up and be a booth babe.
#4 E3 2005
This year things got a little sassier. The girls stayed their course of hotness, but they started to be a little more revelatory in a bad way - regarding their feelings about gamer geeks. That is something we don't need to know, girls. Do not unsuspend our disbelief; you'll unhinge our minds.
Spike: I'm here with Kelly who likes to go by Heather, and I'm guessing it's because she's the Poke Her (poker) girl.
#3: E3 2004
In what probably seemed like a good idea at the time, we decided to have a sexy girl interview the other sexy girls. How could they possibly not accidentally make out? Best quote:
Spike: So, do you girls just kind of wrestle-it-out in the mud, or what?
#2: E3 2003
These were the golden times. The male interviewer with a charming accent and genial personality lets the nerd corps think that these girls are fully attainable. You saucy minxes, thank you for your indulgence and the following quote:
Spike: Print modeling? With or without clothes?
Booth Babes: Uh, that's confidential.
#1: E3 2007
Hell yes. There isn't even a host to muck things up this year. And E3 finally picked up what Sports Illustrated has been laying down for years - the painted-on bikini. It saves on laundry detergent. Green is hot. Warning, kiddies, this one contains painted-over nudity. Also notable for a flawless soundtrack. Good job video editors! Best quote:
You: *slobbering sounds*
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