The Top Seven BJs That Ruined Everything

November 5, 2010

Oral sex has never been more prevalent in the United States. While it’s hard to argue against the pleasure of such an act, the consequences of some BJs have been far from gratifying. Who knew a little fellatio could change a person’s life, and even the world, for the worst.

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7. Vincent Gallo

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Vincent Gallo was once a promising indie film director who took risks and seemed to be headed for a long and successful directorial career. Then he made The Brown Bunny, a movie universally bashed and derided for its graphic (non-simulated) oral sex scene. It also didn’t help that Gallo used the scene as the basis for the film’s entire marketing campaign. Billboards featuring stills from the fellatio scene popped up in Los Angeles and were met with protest.

Since The Brown Bunny, Gallo has refused to talk to the media and has not directed any films that have received national distribution. You can now catch him in the aisles of Home Depot where he is sadly known as “that guy who got blown by Chloe Sevigny,” which, depending on your perspective, may or may not be a bad thing. Things also didn't work out too well for Sevigny immediately after the film. Following the release she was dropped by her agent at William Morris who considered her career prospects dead. If she didn't end up with an Emmy nomination for her work on Big Love, he might have been right.

6. Eugene Robinson

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This is the infamous story of how a blowjob, or rather the desire for one, cost a man and his team the Super Bowl. The day before Super Bowl XXXIII, Eugene Robinson, the Atlanta Falcons' star cornerback, was awarded the Bart Starr Award from the Christian group Athletes in Action for his “high moral character.” To celebrate he went searching for a hooker. Sadly, it didn't work out very well. Later that night Robinson was arrested for offering $40 to an undercover female police officer, posing as a prostitute, for fellatio.

While Robinson should have been getting a good night’s sleep before the big game, he found himself locked up. News of the arrest quickly spread and was all anyone could talk about on game day. Robinson played in the game and had a stinker. He gave up an 80-yard touchdown reception to Denver Broncos receiver Rod Smith and missed several game changing tackles. The Falcons ended up losing the game 34-19.

While the Bronco’s were the favorites going into the game, there’s no denying that Robinson really blew it for his team. Oh, and his wife and kids waiting back in the hotel room weren't particularly thrilled either.

5. Hugh Grant

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On June 27, 1995, Hugh Grant’s world changed forever. The then relatively unknown British actor was caught in a lewd sexual act with a delightfully named prostitute called Divine Brown in a seedy part of Hollywood.

The British actor was praised for his frank and open handling of the scandal. He even kept his scheduled appointment on The Tonight Show. The appearance was career changing for both Grant and The Tonight Show’s host Jay Leno. The interview was must see television and when Jay uttered his first question, “What the hell were you thinking?” he cemented his place in television history. Grant’s appearance on The Tonight Show was the first time Jay Leno beat David Letterman in the ratings and was the beginning of his dominance in late night television.

Grant’s blowjob and the way he handled the media attention proved relatively fruitful for the actor as they had no negative impact on his career. Some say it may have been his greatest career move. Others contend that the BJ helped established Jay Leno’s career. Who knows what would have happened to Leno if Grant didn’t get “lewd” with Ms. Brown or cancelled his appearance on the show? Would Jay have ever beaten Letterman? Would he still be on television? Would NBC have been so desperate to keep him? Might we actually have a Tonight Show that’s funny?

4. Singaporean Businessman

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A secret rendezvous between a Singaporean businessman and his secretary began with some oral pleasure and ended in tragedy. The unidentified businessman and his 30-year-old secretary were in the midst of an affair and would often sneak off to a nearby park for sex. The man was receiving a blowjob in a parked car when, mid bob, the car was hit by a reversing van. The impact of the crash caused the woman to bite down on her lover’s piece, dismembering him.

To make matters worse, the entire incident was caught on tape by a private investigator hired by the businessman’s wife who rightfully suspected her husband of having an affair. The investigator followed the car to the park and witnessed it “shake violently.” He said, “After the car was hit by the van, there was a loud scream from the woman whose mouth was covered with blood.”

The businessman was rushed to the hospital. His lover soon followed with a piece of his manhood in her mouth. This could be the worst blowjob ever.

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3. French President Felix Faure

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Some men want to die in the arms of their lover. Sadly, French President Felix Faure didn’t do that. He died in the mouth of his mistress, 30-year-old Émile Loubet. The official cause of Faure’s death was a stroke that occurred while engaged in sexual activity. At the time it was widely reported that he died while receiving oral sex. The French press had a field day with his death, pulling out some fabulous French puns. One such headline read, "Il voulait être César, il ne fut que Pompée" which could mean “he wished to be Caesar, but ended up as Pompey" or "he wished to be Caesar and ended up being pumped." The verb “pomper” in French is also slang for oral sex.

The 58-year-old Gallic leader died suddenly in 1899 four years into his presidency. This was a critical time in French politics as the country was divided over the Dreyfus affair, a political scandal that involved the wrongful imprisonment of a Jewish artillery officer who was accused of selling military secrets to the Germans. His mistress later gained more fame after she was charged with, and later acquitted of, murdering her husband and stepmother.

2. President Bill Clinton

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Bill Clinton achieved many things during his time in office, but he’ll perhaps be remembered best as the President who got head and nearly lost his job. Technically, it wasn’t the blowjob he received from a 22-year-old intern named Monica Lewinsky that got him in trouble. It was lying about it. His undoing came when he denied the affair, famously saying, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman.” When a certain blue dress turned up, Clinton had to backtrack. He tried a "lawyerly" way out of the lie, arguing that receiving oral sex did not constitute “sexual relations.” Impeachment proceedings were later launched and Clinton survived after a 21-day Senate trial.

Clinton’s blowjob was all anyone could talk about in 1998 and early 1999. It paralyzed politics and greatly diminished Clinton’s ability to get things done during his last two years in office. It also had an effect on the 2000 Presidential election. If the scandal never happened Clinton would have campaigned with Al Gore and the results of that Presidential election would probably have been very different.

1. Genarlow Wilson

Source: ESPN

The story of Genarlow Wilson is heartbreaking and as sad as any Shakespearean tragedy. In 2005, the talented high schooler’s world came crashing down after he was sentenced to 10 years in prison without parole for having consensual oral sex with his 15-year-old girlfriend. The incident occurred at a 2003 New Year’s Eve party when the then 17-year-old was an honor student, homecoming king, and a star football player with an overflowing mailbox full or recruitment letters.

Wilson’s ridiculous jail sentence was the result of Georgia’s arcane laws in relation to oral sex. (Up until 1998, oral sex, even between husband and wife, was punishable with up to 20 years in prison).  At the time of the incident Georgia’s so called “Romeo and Juliet” provision only covered underage consensual vaginal sex. Had he had sexual intercourse with the girl, he would have been charged with a misdemeanor and the worst prison sentence he could have received would have been 12 months behind bars. Instead, he was charged with, and subsequently convicted of, aggravated child molestation and forced to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.

Wilson’s imprisonment caused nationwide outcry, charges of racism, and even resulted in ex-President Jimmy Carter stepping in on his behalf. It caused Georgia’s laws to change, but they were not retroactively applied to Wilson, who was languishing behind bars. After several unsuccessful attempts to take the case to the Supreme Court of Georgia, Wilson was finally released from prison in 2007 after spending almost three years in jail. All because of a BJ.

 

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