Gold digging: it's the world's second oldest profession. Take a dude with a ton of cash and a trophy spouse looking to make some big bucks in exchange for their hand in marriage and...well, you know the rest of that story. These are the gold diggers who said "I do" and meant it…after they took the witness stand.
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10. Rachel Hunter
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It never ceases to amaze me. Rock stars always get the highest caliber of modern beauty and the uglier and homelier they look, the hotter their catches are bound to be. Two hundred years from now, an aging lump of gelatinous flesh in a wheelchair will pound out a couple of guitar riffs with his fat stubs, get millions of dollars in royalties for it, along with a woman so beautiful she can make true Gods cry blood.
That's not far off from aging rocker Rod Stewart, who took supermodel Rachel Hunter's oh-so-dainty hand in marriage before separating after 16 years, which is roughly considered to be a radioactive half-life in Hollywood. The divorce netted her $66 million and that's with a pre-nup. I'm sure that's one dollar for every ear-aching time she had to sit through "Have I Told You Lately That I Love You?"
9. Darva Conger
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Most money-grubbing hotties try to keep their private affairs out of the public spotlight in order to lessen the image of impropriety. Darva broke that rule when she sold her soul and herself on national television for the first and only episode of the doomed Fox reality game show Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire? She won the hand of so-called "millionaire" Rick Rockwell out of 50 other bull market brides, but the marriage fell apart before she even had a chance to get her hands down his pants … and into his wallet. She publicly denounced her former husband and the show for exploiting and humiliating her and she dealt with her grief the way any other normal, level-headed American woman would – by posing naked in Playboy for an actual $1.8 million.
8. Jerry Hall
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Mick Jagger is another aging rocker who scored the trophy wife but wishes in the end that he had aimed for the "certificate of participation" wife instead. But in Jerry's defense, Mick did bring it on himself and I don't just mean by the fact that he agreed to marry her. Mick had been married for 20 years to the model and actress best known for playing the role of Mick Jagger's wife when he fathered a child with another woman. The subsequent divorce turned Jagger into a scrambling street fighting man who tried every tactic in the book, even going so far as to claim their Hindu wedding wasn't legal. None of them worked and it cost him just under $50 million. Now who's under whose thumb?
7. Ivana Trump
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It's one thing to marry someone for the money. It's another to marry them for their money, their businesses, their corporate offices, and every ounce of power and prestige that surrounds their name. Ivana married Donald Trump for everything that comes with having that goofy last name: his lavish homes that even he can't count, a spot on his company's board of directors, and the royal throne on the New York City social scene for years to come. Oh, and for love too. When they finally divorced because Donald couldn't keep "Trump Tower" from extending beyond Ivana Avenue, she took home a measly sum of $20 million and then became a sugar momma herself when she married her 35-year-old boyfriend. It's the circle...the circle of life.
6. Marilyn Monroe
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It was hard to include the blonde babe to beat out all other blonde babes on this list because her motives didn't seem money-related until later in her short life. She made it on her own with an iconic movie career, but her ability to attract the popular and powerful with her tractor beam-strength looks led to a string of tawdry affairs and failed marriages before her untimely and unsolved death in 1962. Then again, if you saw a picture of her third husband, playwright Arthur Miller, the very thought of them together could give you a cataract.
5. Heather Mills
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This one-legged wonder gave Paul McCartney several hard day's nights during their nasty divorce. (If you were hoping for a "now McCartney doesn't have a leg to stand on" joke here, go read a British tabloid, you cheeky wee monkey.) After barely six years of marriage, she claimed in an open British court that she wanted 125 million pounds and not a shilling less. Her money-grubbing mitts even caused her to throw a glass of water on McCartney's attorney during the last few days of the trial when she realized the best she could get was a measly 17 million pounds. Looks like the leg's on the other stump now.
4. Marion Davies
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This silent movie beauty married one of the richest men in the history of the universe and one of the biggest financial falls from grace (which could be overtaken any minute now, so synchronize your watches). Davies made no bones about her gold-digging ways and practically patented the art of marrying for money when she latched onto millionaire newspaper and tabloid tycoon William Randolph Hearst in the 1930s. The couple never married since Hearst's first wife wouldn't grant him a divorce, but she got by in the home they shared, the $165 million San Simeon estate that made Walt Disney World look like a inner city playground. When Hearst died, she didn't get a red cent and was forever cursed as a ditzy blonde flirt from her polarizing portrayal in Orson Welles' Citizen Kane, a performance that Welles himself said he regretted later in his life when he ballooned to the size of Heart's former estate.
3. Peggy Hopkins Joyce
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Davies may have aimed for distance when she was trying to hit up her sugar daddy, but this Jazz Age temptress just tried to knock as many balls around as she could before getting a chance to round the bases. This 1920s showgirl-turned-actress went through a string of husbands and boyfriends who all had one common bond and it wasn't their personality. She made sure her squeeze of the week lavished her with ridiculously expensive jewels, clothes and homes. Her exploits were so well known and widespread that rumors circulated of her having affairs with heads of state and even European royalty. If that were true, we wouldn't have had to deal with World War I, World War II, the Spanish Civil War, or the Cold War. Now that's a Bush doctrine we can get behind.
2. Anna Nicole Smith
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The infamous Playboy playmate and star of The Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult went through the kind of tragic-to-superstar-to-tragic-to-sub-star lifestyle that makes producers of the E! Network need a nap and a cigarette. She went from working at a fried chicken joint in a Texas border town to posing as Playboy's Playmate of the Year in what seemed like the blink of a five-inch eyelash-long eye. Then she married an 89-year-old oil billionaire that she met at a strip club (maybe they were having a Bingo night there). Her fight for her husband's inheritance took 10 years to reach the U.S. Supreme Court, where then-President George W. Bush ordered the Solicitor General to help present her case to the justices (I'd write a punchline for that factoid, but I think I just did).
1. Kevin Federline
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When it comes to aiming for the big time, no one aimed higher than K-Fed. The former Mr. Britney Spears took things slow with his future ex-wife while he worked as a back-up dancer in her "band." Then after three months of dating, the couple got engaged. The marriage didn't last long, which is like saying the Titanic had a little fender bender and should stop to exchange information with the iceberg. A nasty and crazy divorce ended with Kevin scoring custody of the two kids and a $20,000 monthly allowance along with whatever cash he can scrape together from doing jobs that publicly demean him, like his famous Super Bowl commercial. Sadly, the marriage and public fallout caused by K-Fed forever tarnished the reputation of white rappers everywhere.
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