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The Top 10 Games That Force You To Be Stupid

by spike.com   July 12, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 4,284

5. Metal Gear Solid

Source: Konami

For the five of you that didn't play Metal Gear Solid, here's a quick recap.  You hide in a cardboard box, and this somehow makes you invisible, proving all science in Calvin and Hobbes strips is accurate.  Also, you have to disable a really nasty military weapon called the Metal Gear.  How do you do this?  By inserting a card which was suspiciously provided for you to shut it down.  With a toggle switch!  That can only be flipped once!

This isn't really Snake's stupidity, but we really have to ask: who designed a nuclear key with a toggle switch between "Armed" and "Unarmed" and who configures that toggle switch so it can only be flipped once?


4. Assassin's Creed

Source: Ubisoft

Altair is so graceful and cat-like, it's hard to believe.  We practically expect the guy to lick his own butt or something as a character animation if you leave him alone too long.  So it's difficult to believe anybody could get the drop on him, probably because, well, they can't.  Unless the game makes you.

Talal, one of your targets, would really rather not be stabbed to death, so he sets up a trap for you.  And you, because the game requires it, have to blunder into this trap and fight your way out.  You know, because you have all the skill and grace of a cat, except when a vital plot point needs to be fulfilled.

3. Thief: The Dark Project

Source: Eidos Interactive

Garrett is a master thief and, as a criminal, naturally suspicious.  So when somebody comes to him looking for an ancient gem, offers him a ridiculous price, and then he discovers that finding this gem involves a very elaborate set of keys and tricks found only in several different locations, which gives you access to a church that literally has a sign saying "This place is full to the brim with pants-crapping terror and sheer evil, don't come in, you idiot," what does he do?

Accept the job, actually steal the evil gem, and, for some reason, actually think he was going to get paid and not get stabbed in the back.  We had no idea hardened criminals were so naive and trusting.


2. Silent Hill 2

Source: Konami

To be fair, James, our hero, is completely crazy.  Keep in mind this guy is in Silent Hill looking for somebody who's been dead for a couple of years, and he just won't give it up.  Even when the first thing he meets is a creature that spits acid.  Even when he finds a note explicitly telling him that if he keeps this up, horrible things are going to happen to him.

Still, even factoring in the insanity, the moment where you have to put your hand down a hole has got to be the kicker.  Even a lunatic has got to realize just what a terrible idea this is.  But you still have to do it, cringing all the way.


1. Tales of Symphonia

Source: Namco Tales Studio

So, in this classic RPG, you're hunting a bad guy.  A terrible guy, a hero of legend gone corrupt.  You have his name, his image, a lot of backstory about him, and you've got some geniuses in your party.

Which makes the fact that he's practically sleeping on your couch, mooching your beer, and watching 1000 Ways To Die instead of getting a job pretty glaring, as the entire party seems to fail to notice that the main bad guy, the one they fear and need to stop is...right...there.  Sure, our hero is a total idiot in other respects, but it's amazing Sylvarant and Tethe'alla made it, is all we're saying.


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