11:30am
12:00pm
Cops: Wrong Place, Wrong Time
12:30pm
1:00pm
Cops: We Run the Show
2:30pm
3:00pm
Cops: Doggie Paddle
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5:00pm
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Cops: Mohawked Cleaning Service
8:30pm
Cops: Hands Off the Junk
10:00pm
Green Mile (1999)
9:00am
PowerNation: Xtreme Off Road: Project Hocus Focus: Roll Cage
9:30am
PowerNation: Engine Power: Heavy Hitter Hemi: Modern 426
10:30am
PowerNation: Detroit Muscle: Grocery Gladiator: Smooth Shave

The Top 10 Games That Force You To Be Stupid

by spike.com   July 12, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 3,691

Games thrive on plots.  The problem is, plots require plot twists, and sometimes, those plot twists are immutable.  No matter what happens, you've got to fulfill that plot twist, even if it's abundantly obvious to everybody including cavemen that what you have to do is a really, really bad idea. Which is why you'll kill yourself, gladly follow imposters, and fork over world-destroying gizmos in these games that'll drive you crazy with how stupid you have to be.

Source: id Software

By Dan Seitz

 

10. DOOM

You've finally completed the first section.  You've killed the end boss.  You've got a ton of weapons and ammo.  You are ready to go to hell and really kick some ass.

Unfortunately, the only way into hell will kill you and leave you with a pistol and your fists in the absolute worst place you want to go into unarmed.  And there's no way around it; you have to step into the death-gate, let the game kill you, and wake up in Hell to earn the neat weapons all...over...again.

 

9. Metroid Prime 3

Source: Nintendo

So, you're Samus Aran, experienced Metroid killer and general badass.  You're hunting a shapeshifter, Gandrayda.  You land on the main planet of the Space Pirates, absolutely ruthless, soulless killers.  And suddenly, this Space Marine shows up.  He's got no bona fides, no way to prove his identity, but you absolutely have to come with him!  It's important!  No, he won't tell you why!

At least Samus mentions her suspicion of the situation, and she did need two people to operate an elevator, but still.  You expect a bit more from a Metroid hunter.

 

8. The Suffering: The Ties That Bind

Source: Midway Games

In The Suffering, you play Torque, a man possessed by his inner demons and trying to use that to fight all the outer demons that are pretty much killing everybody around him.  But it's Baltimore, so, what the hell, right?  If it wasn't demons, it'd be something else.

Anyway, Torque is trying to hunt down Blackmore, the man who killed his family and who seems to be responsible for all misery in the Baltimore area.  Hunting down a vicious criminal is kind of stupid in the first place, but the game decides to push stupidity to the limit with a leap of faith.  Well, kinda.

Want to go forward in the game?  You've got to jump in the pit spewing out demons.

Oh, and it's full of sewage, just to add to the fun.  Enjoy!

 

7. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass

Source: Nintendo

Link gets into a lot of trouble, but about half of that is because the guy is such a complete dimwit.  For example, he's stuck on a ship that's fatal to mortals, yet these four sisters are apparently trapped on the ship.  We say "apparently" because they have, literally, evil faces.  We're not kidding.  They look evil.

They also offer misleading advice, try to get you caught by the bad guys, and even snicker at you behind your back, which, okay, Link can't see, but still.  Even for a naive country boy, he has to be getting a little suspicious the third time they nearly get him killed.


6. Final Fantasy IV

Source: Square

Our heroes are faced with a difficult choice; save the girl the hero is in love with, or fork over the last of four crystals that will destroy the world.  Granted, by this point, the entire party has acted like a bunch of idiots, practically handing the bad guy, Golbez, one of the crystals by opening a door he couldn't and nearly getting killed, and this is a Japanese RPG. Common sense is in painfully short supply in the first place.

Still, they hand over the crystal because...um...because...   Because they're idiots, that's why.  One person, entire world.  One person, ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD.  Let's talk about "needs of the many vs. the needs of the few."  Thank God Final Fantasy isn't real or we'd all be dead by now.

 

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