Five Reasons You MUST Watch Tonight's Monday Night Football Game

November 30, 2009

In just a matter of minutes, the New England Patriots will bring their patented brand of “Shut up, it’s not technically cheating” football to New Orleans to take on the undefeated Saints on national television. Unsure about whether or not investing three hours of a Monday night is worth it for this game? Here are five reasons people who say that nine hours of watching football on Sundays is more than enough are wrong...and horrible influences.

1. Tom Brady Failing

If there’s one thing nobody wants to see, it’s the superstar NFL quarterback married to a lingerie model having everything go right in his life – a.k.a. the John Stamos effect. Normally Brady is a sure thing to have a monster Monday Nighter, but against an aggressive Saints front seven he may seriously struggle while collecting his second-straight nationally televised loss. Finally, the unemployed virgin in his parent's basement gets to look down at him!

2. At Least Three Awkward Ron Jaworski Comments

The Monday Night Football color analyst isn’t afraid to say what’s on his mind. It’s just unfortunate that sometimes what’s running through his head isn’t appropriate for small children or certain minorities. Jowarski is an excellent analyst (and by excellent, I mean loud), but if you’re entering the “ESPN Sex Scandal” pool at your office, Jowarski’s a great bet at this point. This sort of dark horse Joe Namath-Suzy Kolber candidate may pay dividends tonight.

3. Kim Kardashian-Gisele Bündchen Crowd Shots

Reggie Bush and Tom Brady may be the story on the field, but that doesn’t mean that every producer operating with one hand below the editing table isn’t going to show Lamar Odom’s sister-in-law giving dirty looks to the Victoria's Secret vixen every time the Saints go marching down the field. In terms of celebrity girlfriends, this is the Gators-Crimson Tide match-up of the year. (Brenda Warner need not apply.)

4. The Unintentional Comedy of Trent Dilfer Critiquing Tom Brady and Drew Brees.

There’s nothing better than watching a guy who’s a first ballot Hall of Mediocre quarterback breaking down two of this generation’s top players. When Steve Young (one of the five best players the NFL has ever seen) has to say “Now let’s go to Trent Dilfer for some expert analysis” what do you think has to be going through his head? Is it sort of like when Steven Spielberg has to present an Academy Award to the director of Transformers II?

5. Somebody May Finally Wipe the Smirk off of that Ass-Clown Mercury Morris’ Face

In the history of the NFL, there has never been two teams enter the big game without a single blemish on their record. But now, with the Indianapolis Colts at 11-0 and the Saints looking to match that mark – it appears that we may have a great shot at seeing a perfect championship, and most importantly rendering the 1972 Miami Dolphins irrelevant when another team boasts a perfect season.

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