Atlanta Falcons Want Mildly Educated, Less Slutty Cheerleaders

April 5, 2010

While most football teams are focusing on improving their rosters through the NFL Draft (or if you’re the Cleveland Browns, making sure no more players try to take semi-automatic weapons on airplanes), the Atlanta Falcons have decided to spend their offseason recruiting some semi-literate eye candy to lead cheers and arouse teenage boys.
The Falcons cheerleading department is tired of being regarded as nothing but tits, ass and something to stare at between plays. They want to be pillars of the community, and are holding tryouts to recruit some upstanding young women to help them make a difference.

Here are some of the requirements for every aspiring pom-pom girl hoping to earn about $150 every week for cheering on Tony Gonzalez:

1)    Must be at least 18-years-old

This way they’re old enough to travel without parental supervision, but still young enough to use “Want me to buy you beer?” as a pick-up line.

2)    Must be a high school graduate or have a G.E.D. (We don’t want to perpetuate the dumb cheerleader stereotype).

If there’s one thing that says "respect my intellect," it’s a G.E.D. from a girl who gets paid to effectively be a sideline stripper.

3)    Must have a part-time or full-time job or be a college student. (Yes, a mother is considered a full-time job!)

Way to pick on the childless, unemployed community again. Hasn’t Jennifer Aniston been through enough?

If you feel like you have what it takes (which is apparently a G.E.D. and hourly gig at the local Burger King), click here for more details.

Photo: Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images