The Top Seven Most Hated Teams in College Football
Are you filled with a relentless rage that can't be quelled simply by verbally abusing co-workers or harassing chubby children at little league games? Have no fear! The college football season kicks off tomorrow night, and we here at Spike.com have picked the seven teams with the biggest hate-wagons heading into the season. So, look around, see which one you like, and get ready to direct your ire in a socially acceptable way.
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7. Boise State Broncos
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David vs. Goliath is a far more entertaining scenario in the second round of March Madness than the championship game of the college football season. Outside of the greater Idaho area, nobody wants to turn on their television come January 10th and hear a sexually ambiguous ABC broadcaster ecstatically mumble “Don’t let the 21 point spread or complete mismatch at every single position fool you. This BCS title showdown between Boise State and Alabama will not stop being interesting mid-way through the first quarter.”
This year’s Broncos team has the preseason rank and complete illusion of talent to end up vying for a spot in the title game that could threaten to ruin the well-thought-out, and hilariously unfair non-playoff system. Last season the folks of borderline mid-major Big East champion Cincinnati spent the entire year lobbying for a championship berth, routinely claiming “Why not give us a shot to compete?” Three weeks later they went to the Sugar Bowl and lost by four touchdowns to a school from the SEC. Nobody in America wants to watch something similar happen again.
6. Texas Longhorns
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With all due respect to Tim Riggins, there are only so many times a rational college football fan can hear the phrase “great state of Texas” being thrown around Applebee’s without resenting the Longhorn nation. The Texas football community – aptly representing by Vince Young and Matthew McConaughey – has developed an air of quiet superiority that actually makes people sympathetic to the folks down in Norman.
5. Michigan Wolverines
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The University of Michigan spent over a century building a clean, successful, and relatively likeable program that regularly competed for a chance to be embarrassed by the SEC every bowl season (sans 2008). They played hard, acted smart, and never got caught paying meth-addicted prostitutes to pleasure potential recruits in the back of a Motel 6 parking lot.
Then, after 100 years of clean and mildly successful living, the Wolverines brought in Rich Rodriguez to urinate all over their reputation and turn the entire country against them in a matter of days. Thanks to an endearing attitude that seems to be a cross between Sarah Palin and Dennis the Menace (plus what appear to be no actual coaching skills), Rodriguez has managed to destroy his team’s chances of success while simultaneously making them one of the least popular teams in the country.
4. Florida Gators
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Jealousy and hatred may be distant cousins, but ever since Urban Meyer came to town in 2006, the two have become intimately acquainted under the Tim Tebow virginity tree at the Florida Student Union.
With perhaps the most polarizing virgin in college football history leading their offense over the past four years, the Gators dominated the sport like a polite church group bully and boasted a smug smile on their faces until Alabama wiped it off of them in the 2009 SEC title game.
Now that Tebow has moved to greener pastures filled with attractive women he is religiously unable to have sex with, the college football world is optimistically waiting for the program’s descent into mediocrity. If only they didn’t have the nation’s top recruiting class and a Heisman candidate replacing him, there might be some hope for the haters.