What do you do when you’re a 27-year-old multimillionaire, world famous athlete, and married to Brooke Shields before she began her menopause-inspired descent into Hallmark movies of the week and questionably male features?
Start doing meth, of course.
In his upcoming autobiography documenting the endless struggles of being a wildly popular professional athlete, former tennis star Andre Agassi discusses how he spent most of 1997 snorting meth (the same year he married Shields and Home Alone 3 came out, coincidence?).
Agassi explains that he defeated the rigorous drug testing program of the Professional Tennis Association by simply explaining that “a friend spiked my drink,” after failing a drug test – a strategy that easily worked. Great job tennis! It's nice to see that the PTA and Major League Baseball are on the same page.
What’s important to remember here, besides the fact that after meticulous research I was shocked to learn that Brooke Shields is still alive, is that all those anti-meth campaigns are right. Look at how Agassi’s life was negatively affected by the drug. He’s barely worth $300 million, won a measly five Grand Slam titles after becoming an addict and spends most of his days doing charity work for underprivileged children. Think about how much better his life could have been with some cleaner living?
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