During a press conference that the entire world (with the exception of the United States and Southeast Poland) was watching, the British empire has finally been awarded a chance to get retribution against America for the first time since 1776.
Earlier today, World Cup (of soccer) officials announced that the first game of the tournament for the American team would be against England in Rustenberg, South Africa – presumably the final step of the Royal Family's centuries-long plan to strike back at a nation that defied their King.
Will the British finally get their revenge? Can America’s suddenly impressive soccer squad piss off every soccer hooligan in the United Kingdom? Will Tiger Woods send dirty texts while watching the game? There are a lot of great questions surrounding a match that means a lot to one country, and pretty much nothing to the other.
No matter what happens, the important thing to remember is to always wear a condom when picking up hookers in that part of the world.
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