The Top 10 Sexiest Assistants in Movie History

January 4, 2010

Don't ask us why, but for some reason one of the predominant male fantasies has always been to have a sexy-as-hell secretary.  Whether it's the typing proficiency or courteous manner in which they answer the telephone, hot secretaries are just a total turn-on.

Source: bilderlounge/Getty Images

By Jeff Kelly

 

10. Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow) - Iron Man

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Source: Paramount Pictures

In the smash hit Iron Man, Tony Stark and his personal assistant Pepper Potts taught us a very valuable lesson: sexual harassment in the workplace is not only okay, but it's positively hilarious.  We have to love the way that Pepper not only just sort of goes with Stark's numerous inappropriate comments, but dishes back little potshots in the process before ultimately succumbing to his charm and wiles.  Played by the strikingly beautiful (yet beanpole-ish) Gwyneth Paltrow, Pepper Potts is every bit as hot as she is fully within her right to sue her boss for that pesky repeated sexual harassment.

 

9. Sue Ellen Crandall (Christina Applegate) - Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead

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Source: Warner Bros.

Poor Sue Ellen.  We've all been there: your mom bails on you for the summer to travel overseas and leaves you in the hands of some crotchety old woman who almost immediately drops dead.  What do you, a sexy blonde teenager, do?  Naturally, you get a job as the personal assistant to the head of a giant fashion company by lying like crazy on your resume and then having someone else do your work for you.  And hey, if Kelly Bundy ever came to us pleading for help, we'd be hard pressed to turn her down.  Bonus points for getting to stomp all over the scheming of an extra greasy David Duchovny and his bitchy girlfriend in the process.

 

8. Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) - Ghostbusters

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Source: Columbia Pictures

Now we know what you're thinking: Janine Melnitz?  Really?  But come on, you can't tell us that when you were a kid watching Ghostbusters you didn't have even a little bit of a crush on the bespectacled, obnoxious New York secretary.  Besides, when she doesn't have those Coke bottle glasses and short, mousy haircut, Annie Potts really was kinda smokin' hot back in the day.  Plus, the fact that over the course of two films she's into guys like Harold Ramis and Rick Moranis, it only gave us hope that we might have actually had a chance with her.

 

7. Lucy Kelson (Sandra Bullock) - Two Weeks Notice

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Source: Warner Bros.

First of all, you have to really respect a woman who is willing to put up with the pompous foppishness of Hugh Grant, and Lucy Kelson does just that.  Second, you can't deny that even after all these years, Sandra Bullock is still exceptionally adorable.  Third, in this film she is a brilliant do-gooder who is only working for a big bad corporation in order to prompt change from the inside.  And fourth, and most importantly, we discover during the course of the film that she's very flexible.  No, not in terms of her schedule.  She can bend like a pretzel.  Screw typing proficiency, those are the sort of qualifications we want to see on our secretaries' resume.

 

6. Lee Holloway (Maggie Gyllenhaal) - Secretary

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Source: Lions Gate Entertainment

You didn't think we could actually make a list about sexy secretaries and not include a character in a movie written specifically about a secretary who has a submissive spanking fetish, did you?  Of course not.  In Secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal plays Lee Holloway, a woman who works for a sleazy-as-ever James Spader.   She enjoys kink and being bent over a desk and spanked, though we're not sure how good she is at filing paperwork of transferring calls.  The only problem is we can't decide what's creepier: the fact that we can't look at Maggie without thinking of her bro Jake, or the fact that we have to watch James Spader do the spanking in this movie.  Or, well, do anything in this movie, actually.  Seriously, the guy just gives us the heebie jeebies.

5. Andy Sachs and Emily Chalton (Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt) - The Devil Wears Prada

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Source: 20th Century Fox

Okay, so we're kind of cheating here, plucking two sexy secretaries from one movie.  But hey, is it our fault that Meryl Streep's taste in hotties is as good as her taste in fashion in this movie?  First you've got the gorgeous Blunt, who we're saddened to hear is marrying Jim from The Office (what is it with him and hot receptionists?), and then of course you've got the sizzling hot Anne Hathaway who, despite Meryl suggesting is a frumpy fat girl in the movie, is one of the hottest (both career-wise and in terms of looks) young leading ladies in Hollywood.  Plus, extra points for her ability to somehow manage to track down an unreleased Harry Potter book, which would come in totally handy.  Um, when we shop for our, uh, 10-year-old nephew, that is.  Ahem.

 

4. Doralee Rhodes (Dolly Parton) - Nine to Five

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Source: Michael Ochs Archives/Getty Images

If you have to ask what made 1980 Dolly Parton sexy, well then we've got a giant pair of answers for you: her talent, and her sass.  Oh, and her enormous breasts, too.  We probably should have started with those.  Let's face it, if you were a man in a position of power in 1980, there are far worse candidates for a hot secretary than Dolly and her character Doralee.  Of course considering the movie is about the uber sexy Doralee and her pals getting revenge on their sexist, egotistical boss (nearly killing him with rat poison "accidentally" and ultimately kidnapping him and holding him hostage), you probably want to refrain from telling her she gives you some serious Dolly-wood.

 

3. Betty Brant (Elizabeth Banks) - The Spider-Man Movies

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Source: Columbia Pictures

While Peter Parker was busy chasing after the likes of Gwen Stacey and Mary Jane Watson in the movies, he pretty much gave up on one of the hottest women around, sitting right there in front of J. Jonah Jameson's office at The Daily Bugle after she made him look like an idiot the first time he spoke to her.  But sure enough, after he told her he was a photographer while wearing a camera around his neck and waiting to get paid, Pete pretty much decided that the sexy-as-hell raven-haired beauty wasn't quite for him.  Maybe it's just us, but maybe we'd prefer the sting of that initial embarrassment and continue on after Betty Brant over the repeated beatings at the hands of villains that Pete received in his pursuit of MJ and Gwen (and, as a nerd note, yes, we know full well that Pete did, in fact, bone Betty in the comics.  Now go back to your basements, your Pizza Rolls are getting cold).

 

2. Ulla (Lee Meredith/Uma Thurman) - The Producers

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Source: Embassy Pictures/Hulton Archive/Getty Images

While Ulla was portrayed by two actresses for the two film incarnations of the Mel Brooks classic The Producers, we're going to focus primarily on the original and still classic performance by Lee Meredith.  Let's call a spade a spade here, Ulla wasn't hired for her efficiency or great secretarial skills.  Hell, she could barely speak English.  No, there was one reason and one reason only for Max Bialystock to hire her: she was drop dead gorgeous and was dumb enough to be convinced that her job consisted primarily of gyrating sexily around the office whenever Max saw fit.  And if we were Max, we'd do the same damn thing.  We can take our own damn calls.  And we have to admit, that would make her the sexiest assistant of all-time, if not for...

 

1. Miss Moneypenny (Lois Maxwell/Caroline Bliss/Pamela Salem/Samantha Bond) - The Bond Movies

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Source: MGM

Did you really think anyone else would hold down the top spot on this list?  Maybe she's not as sexy as Ulla, as spunky as Janine Melnitz, as willing to shed clothing in other movies as Andy Sachs, or as willing to roll with sexual harassment as Pepper Potts.  But if you want to talk about an assistant who just oozed sexuality with every double entendre and, hell, sometimes single entendres, you have to stop and start with Moneypenny.  The personal assistant to M, Moneypenny never missed an opportunity to flirt with 007 and, in not so many words, wonder aloud when he'd finally have his way with her.  You have to love a secretary who not only ignores the blatant sexual harassment from James Bond, but actually embraces and encourages it.  And that's precisely what makes Miss Moneypenny the sexiest assistant in movie history.

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