Killer Bear Owner Discovers Single Most Embarrassing Way to Die
by Dan Seitz July 14, 2011 at 4:30PM | Views: 880
Meet Sam Mazzola. If the name sounds familiar, that's because Sam owned a private zoo that saw a caretaker get mauled to death by a 400-pound black bear. That sounds like a death we might feature on 1000 Ways to Die. But we'll be skipping how Sam punched his own ticket, since you can't show it on TV. Also it's kind of gross.
Mazzola was found dead in his Ohio home. That's not so bad. He was face-down on a waterbed. Still not that bad, you're thinking. He was tied to it with handcuffs, chains, and padlocks. Okay, that's kind of weird, but lots of people probably die like that. He was wearing a mask and a metal sphere around his head. Okay, that's pretty firmly in the realm of disturbing.
So, did Mazzola die of a heart attack from too much kink? No, he choked to death on what the police are only referring to as a "sex toy." Yeah. That's...pretty embarrassing. Just to finish it off, he was found by one of his employees. You know, just so that memory of their employer will be burned forever into their brains.
The Columbia Station, Ohio police, however, deserve some sort of award for keeping a straight face through all this. For one thing, they declared the circumstances of his death "not suspicious," which strikes us as a bit of a misstatement. Still, we'd imagine it's caused quite a stir, since it's not like people die a horrible death there every year...oh wait.
Photo: Janie Airey/Digital Vision/Getty Images