Spike.com Readers Can Predict the Future

July 7, 2010

Three days ago, a spunky young chap named Dan Kaplan from Sarnia, Ontario emailed me a series of predictions and comparisons for the NBA free agency period. Normally I dismiss other people's opinions immediately, but thought I'd keep an eye on this Canadian reader's theories. Today, after referring to his message, it appears nearly everything he prognosticated came true. (Clearly he is some sort of witch.)

Below is the email in all of its foretold glory:

Breitman, you're hilarious and I love your articles, but if you don't know how this free agency thing is going to end, you're dumber than you're gay little profile pic looks.

Anybody who wants to know how the 2010 Free Agent period will play out simply needs to look back to 2000. It’s literally the exact same situation that will end the exact same way.

In 2000,

The Chicago Bulls were a team comprised of a reigning rookie of the year, three young prospects, and a boatload of cap room. Sound familiar?

There was a team in Florida with tons of cap space (Orlando) who wanted to sign three major free agents.

The Toronto Raptors were about to lose their stud young player (Tracy McGrady) because nobody wants to play here.

In 2000, there were three top tier free agents.

Free Agent #1 for anonymity sake will be referred to as T. Duncan or Tim D. whichever you prefer; flirted with the idea of joining forces with other superstar free agents in Florida, but ultimately opted to stay home to play with a team comprised of a nucleus of aging veterans at the twilight of their careers. (Sound familiar, LeBron?)

Free Agent #2 a superstar by the name of Grant Hill once dubbed the next air apparent led a marginal team in Detroit to countless 1st round playoff exits on two bad ankles decided to join forces with another superstar in Florida, a team poised to terrorize the eastern conference for years to come. (Sound familiar Mr. Wade)

Free Agent #3 a young buck by the name from Toronto (Tracy McGrady),  tired of carrying around his passport, leaves the Raptors for the glamour of Florida to a team comprised of a fellow superstar (Grant Hill), overhyped rookie, and others not worth mentioning. (Sound familiar, Mr. Bosh?)

The Aftermath…

San Antonio:  Keeps Tim Duncan, brings in a new nucleus of young up and comers, win a few championships while being dubbed the most boring team to watch in the NBA.

Orlando: Grant Hill remained injured for what seemed like 7 years; Tracy McGrady becomes a mega-star on a team of lesser known players and never making it out of the first round.

Chicago: overpaid to sign Ron Mercer & Tim Thomas, useless signings that enabled the team to continue to stockpile lottery draft picks for years to come. (See, there’s hope Carlos Boozer!)

In Conclusion…

By this time next week;

The team in Florida (Miami) will have two superstars signed, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh.

Cleveland will re-sign their Tim Duncan quality star and thank LeBron for the drama.

Chicago will overpay Carlos Boozer and then fire their general manager.

History always shows us the way.

You can bet on it, Breitman.


Mr. Kaplan, well done. 


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