The Top 10 Manliest Sports Moments of 2010
5. Losers Always Whine about their Best, Winners Go Home and Screw the Sexy Television Reporter
After winning the World Cup with a performance that people who care about soccer described as “more interesting than you’d think,” Spanish goalie Iker Casillas was interviewed by an attractive reporter (that he happened to be sleeping with). Rather than keep his professional and sex lives separate, Casillas decided to do the next best thing and make out with her on camera. It may not have been gutsy, but winning the world’s biggest tournament and then making out with the sideline eye candy is about as manly as it gets.
4. Sports World Musters the Courage to Collectively Hate LeBron James
Photo: Greg Shamis/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
When one of your buddies is cheating on his wife with a less attractive prostitute or starts downloading Nickelback songs on iTunes, it’s the manly duty of his friends to stop him and say “dude, you’re kind of being a douche.” This is precisely the sentiment that occurred when the entire sports world began judging LeBron James during the NBA free agency period.
After playing a two-year game of "look how important I am" with the esteemed basketball media, James entered the 2010 postseason determined to make a name for himself by taunting his hometown fans and burning the only bridge out of town.
While many pundits who watched him urinate all over the sport during his hour-long “Decision Special” could have pandered to his ego and promoted his narcissistic douchebaggery, they decided to do the right thing and call him out on his crap.
“How dare he degrade the sport and turn things into a showcase of self-absorption” – One writer scribed.
“What an a-hole,” said another.
“I can’t stand him,” a small child being indoctrinated by his parents posted on YouTube.
It was, perhaps, the greatest display of collective friendship in the history of sports. Had we (yes, we were all a part of it) not stepped in and pointed out his douchiness, he might never have considered maybe occasionally stopping.
3. Brittney Griner Punches Poor Sportsmanship in the Face
Ever since she climbed out of her mother’s giant – now permanently damaged – womb, 6-foot, 8-inch Brittney Griner has been a victim of bitter, shorter people trying to bring her down.
Earlier this year, in a sparsely attended lady basketball game between her Baylor Bears and the Texas Tech Red Raiders (or whatever cute nickname the schools bestow upon their women’s teams), Griner was harassed both verbally and physically. Rather than turn the other cheek or combat it with unsportsmanlike rhetoric, Griner decided to take matters into her own giant hands and address the issue with a mean right cross.
It may have been a little on the “oh come on, she wasn’t even looking” side, but when faced with the problem of being bullied by an entire team, she stood up for herself by using physical violence, and that’s a superb way of handling things. Always.
Way to man up, Brit-Brit.
2. Steve Nash Refers to his Horribly Broken Nose as a “Mild Injury” and Keeps Playing
Photo: Christian Petersen/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
In Game 3 of the Western Conference Finals between the Phoenix Suns and a Los Angeles basketball team largely powered by bad karma and a man married to Kim Kardashian’s less attractive brother, Khloe, Steve Nash had a slight nose injury. Specifically, he broke it in about 132 places.
While most people (or at least non-Canadians) would have taken some time to feel seething pain and relax on the bench, Nash immediately urged his coaches to put him back in the game, and refused to skip any of the series.
It takes a special person to sacrifice beauty for the benefit of the team. Fortunately, Nash doesn’t have too much to give up, so the decision was probably a little easier than you’d expect.
Kudos, Mr. Victoria.
1. Duncan Keith Isn’t Going to Let Seven Missing Teeth Ruin a Perfectly Good Hockey Game
Photo: Photo: Will Aggezio/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images
Hockey is a lot like baseball and soccer, only instead of routinely taking games off for sore fingers and emotional issues, NHL veterans routinely play through mind-numbing injuries. Just ask Duncan Keith, who lost seven teeth during the second period of a Western Conference playoff game against the San Jose Sharks and continued playing directly after.
Rather than try to describe the event, let's just use some statements Keith gave reporters that seem to sum things up pretty nicely. Yes, these are actual quotes from a real human being who probably feels pain:
I took one breath and it felt like my whole mouth was missing, so I knew there were some teeth gone. I saw a couple fall out, and I had one in the back of my throat. I could feel it and coughed it out. A bunch of them disintegrated, it felt like.
I just smashed all my teeth out. They numbed it after it happened; they just stuck a bunch of needles in there and froze it all up. It feels a lot better when we win. It would probably be hurting a lot more if we lost.
On an unrelated note, four different NBA players are listed as questionable for tonight due to sore ankles.
Bonus "Man Play of the Year":
Blake Griffin Finds Exciting New Way to Humiliate Confused Russian Man Standing Underneath the Basket
If you watch this dunk and don’t immediately throw out the term “that was the dunk of a man,” you’re clearly a Communist and should go back to watching semi-professional mini-golf on your 13-inch tube television: