Tiger Woods Ready to Graduate from Sex Rehab and Return to Golf

February 3, 2010

Remember when most stories surrounding Tiger Woods involved very little adultery and minimal porn stars questioning his sexuality? Well, according to one Australian golf writer, that may be the case again very soon.

Mark Hayes of the Melbourne Herald Sun (my third favorite Australian newspaper) is claiming that Woods will make his first post-scandal golf appearance at the Accenture Match Play tournament in Phoenix on February 18th, 2010.

“Only a fortnight after allegedly checking into a sex addiction clinic in Mississippi, the world No. 1 is set to stun the world by returning to the Dove Mountain course where he made his comeback from knee surgery last year,” Hayes writes. “Because his management has gone to ground with its star client, there remains no official word on Woods' return, but there are strengthening whispers that it will be in the $9.54 million World Golf Championship event.”

(For those of you who aren’t still using the Queen’s English – a fortnight is two weeks.)

The event is one of Woods’ favorite, and match play would be an excellent opportunity for him to completely dismantle the competition shortly before avoiding a slew of awkward sexual questions from a slightly aroused Jim Nance.

I, for one, would love to see Woods reappear on a golf course as soon as possible. Like most Americans who cheated on their wives with a harem of barely literate aspiring trophy wives, it’s time for him to move on and do his job. Because if I have to see Phil Mickelson become the number one ranked golfer in the world due to the fact that someone was too afraid to face questions about a sex life that most of his fans (and various people who don’t understand the detriments of venereal diseases) are secretly jealous of – I’m going to be more upset than the time they preempted the Argentinean five pin bowling classic for breaking coverage of Michael Jordan kicking a small child.

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