The Top Seven Fast Food Items That Will Kick Your Ass

March 11, 2010

It's common knowledge that fast food isn't the healthiest stuff around. Yet it certainly isn't without its merits, either. It's convenient, cheap, and generally edible. But on a few occasions, the fast food Gods have handed down items so blatantly insane, it's a small miracle each time someone survives their caloric wrath.

Source: Foodbeast.com



7. The Krispy Kreme Bacon Cheeseburger

Source: Slashfood.com

While its exact origins are in dispute to this day, the Krispy Kreme Cheeseburger, or Luther Burger as it is known by The Gateway Grizzlies of St. Louis (a baseball team which claims to have created the beast at their ballpark), is one of the most indulgent styles of cheeseburgers known to man. With grilled glazed donuts taking the place of hamburger buns, it is perhaps the ultimate expression of the "savory and sweet" mantra.

Word of the new creation quickly spread and many others started serving up their own versions of the Luther. Even Google got into the act when they offered up the burgers at their NYC cafeteria to celebrate the head chef's birthday. No word on whether it was his last.

6. The In-n-Out "100x100"

Source: WhatUpWilly.com

In-n-Out has quite an extensive menu of secret items that don't show up on the board when you're ordering. Though we're not entirely sure of why you would, you can walk up to the counter and order a "100 x 100" - which is essentially a Double Double with, yes, one hundred patties and one hundred slices of cheese.

All told, this monster will set you back around $100. How do we know? Because one family actually went for it on Halloween night in 2004. Amazingly, they finished the whole damned thing too, and perhaps even more amazingly, they lived to tell the tale afterward.

5. IHOP's "Who-Cakes"

Source: ThisIsWhyYoureFat.com

Inspired by the Dr. Seuss book Horton Hears a Who!, this Technicolor pancake extravaganza might not be as "fast" as some of the others, but what it lacks in portability, it makes up for by looking like something out of a Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas dining freakout.

The Who-Cakes consist of a five-stack of pancakes drowned in crayon-colored boysenberry and blueberry syrup, then covered in rainbow-colored chocolate candy. And of course, the entree wouldn't be complete if it wasn't topped with a lollipop.

4. The McDonald's "McGangBang"

Source: EatMeDaily.com

Not surprisingly, the McGangBang didn't start out as a company-sanctioned menu item. Instead, in 2008, frugal customers looking to change things up on the cheap, took two of the dollar-menu items, the double cheeseburger and the chicken sandwich, and combined their forces to create this unholy unity of a burger for a paltry $2.16.

The item caught on so quickly that it's now commonplace to be able to confidently walk up to the cashier, say "I'd like a McGangBang please" and instead of being pepper sprayed, receive a knowing nod and a dirt-cheap hybrid burger.

 

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3. Burger King's Windows 7 Whopper

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For whatever reason, Microsoft and Burger King in Japan thought it was a good idea to promote the software company's newest operating system with a gigantic burger. And when we say gigantic, we're talking seven patties. While most of the items on this list can illicit an inkling of interest in our hearts, the Windows 7 burger just looks, well, kind of gnarly. That's just a crazy amount of sweaty beef in one burger.

And at the equivalent price of fifteen bucks and weighing in at over 2,100 calories, the Windows 7 Whopper certainly isn't doing anything to curtail the "bloated" operating system jokes that have hounded Microsoft for years. Maybe they figured if they got the customer base drunk on ground beef, they wouldn't notice all the bugs. In the operating system, not the burger. We hope.

2. Kentucky Fried Chicken's "Double Down" Sandwich

Source: avclub.com

If anything, you got to hand it to KFC for their sheer testicular fortitude. Instead of jumping on the healthy eating bandwagon that has become so popular over the pass few years, KFC has become the last bastion of escape for those who simply don't care anymore. No, KFC isn't going to make men apologize for their waistlines. Hell no!

Instead, they're leading the charge into moo-moo department of Walmart with the Double Down sandwich, a completely official offering from the Colonel's culinary laboratories. The Double Down consists of bacon, two kinds of cheeses, and sauce between two pieces of fried chicken. That's right, this baby uses fried chicken as a bun instead of bread.

Of course, if the Double Down still leaves you wanting more, there's always the Quadruple Down.

1. Pizza Hut Japan's "Double Roll" Pizza

Source: PizzaHut.jp

Of course, when it comes to weirdness, leave it to Japan to out-do everyone else by at least tenfold.

With a mind-boggling 646 calories per slice, the Double Roll has bacon-wrapped hotdogs in the crust and comes topped with mini hamburger patties, mushrooms, soy beans, corn, paprika, garlic chips, green peppers, and pepperoni. It also includes mozzarella, cheddar, and parmigiana cheeses as well. As if that somehow wasn't way more than enough, the pizza also comes with ketchup and maple syrup on side.

You win this round, Japan. But don't think the cheeseburger-loving populace of this great nation will take this defeat lying down! Unless we're having a heart attack.

 

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