The Top Nine End Bosses of the Internet

April 21, 2009

I’ve been battling on the internet for some time.  And if you go on enough tours hurling blogsplosive devices at your enemies, you’ll definitely meet these end bosses of the internet.

Source: Freudenthal Verhagen/Stone/Getty Images

9. Spam Monster


Source: Caspar Benson/Getty Images

Did you know that in just 13 simple steps you can turn your feces into gold?  That’s interesting because your secret crush already knew how to do that.  However, she thinks your manhood is about half the size it should be, and that you’d be better off working from home making $40,000 a month.  Just thought I’d let you know! 

8. The Married Couple


Source: Jamie Grill/Iconica/Getty Images

Oh, I’m just so happy to be starting my new life with the guy that I got together with after my gigantic break-up with the captain of the water polo team.  I know people said it was a rebound, but now we’ve got these three beautiful kids (mostly on purpose!) and the overwhelming Photobucket accounts to prove it!  Send us your addresses so we can get those holiday cards out to you!!

7. Trolls


Source: Una Dance/Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images

Did you know that 9/11 was as fake as the Holocaust and that both were orchestrated by now-president Obama while he was working as a Muslim terrorist cell leader.  But, of course none of that matters because you’re ugly and God doesn’t exit.  If you agree with me I’ll post t**s. 

6. Chuck Norris


Source: Arlene Richie/Time & Life Pictures/Getty Images

Chuck Norris is so Chuck Norris that even this sentence is Chuck Norris.  He’s such a boss of the internet that all the other bosses of the internet have to present TPS reports to him on a bi-quarterly basis.  And, when they do, he throws coffee in their faces and screws their wives. 

5. 9/11 Conspiracy Theorist


Source: Dejan Patic/Taxi/Getty Images

You can’t afford to be this blind to your surroundings, man.  You think Obama isn’t in on this?  You think we’re safe now?  He was part of the plan from the beginning.  I’ve got some s*** you need to read, man.  S*** that’s gonna blow your mind and make you join my commune in Santa Fe.  We just got new wool ponchos!

4. The Japanese


Source: Junko Kimura/Getty Images News/Getty Images

Hello!  Would you like to see an octopus juggle thirteen naked, Catholic schoolgirls!?  Of course you would!  Rock and roll blue jeans America is what we all want to enjoy!  Let us play a game, no?  The game is we are attached to a car battery and when I touch this button, we get shocked!  Crazy times are crazy!  

3. A Cute Kitten


Source: icanhascheezburger

Oh hai!  Lookit meh coz I thinkz Iz peeplz and Iz so adorable youz jest gots to send this picturez of me thru teh intertubz to yer global adres book sose alls yer friends (and peeples that axually don’t likez you allz taht much) can seez me too!  K thx bye!

2. Apple Fanboys



The reason I’m not going to buy an iPhone case is because that is not how Apple designed it.  I don’t care if you think you need protection.  Do you really think that Apple would design a f***ing cell phone that couldn’t be dropped?  The worst part is that it’s an insult to the design aesthetic of the company.  Why would you buy it if you didn’t like the way it looked in the first place or thought the design was flawed?

1. YouTube Commenter


Source: YouTube and Jason Jones/Getty Images

Youtube iz the dummest sh*t on the internet and especially dum is Nascar0960 for thinking dat this thread is about anything but whether latin girls is da hottest (they is).  Screw all y’all1!1  Out!