Pirate vs. Samurai

November 20, 2010

Disclaimer: I don't own Deadliest Warrior; but I wish I did.

Deadliest Warrior, Chapter 7: Pirate vs. Samurai

Narrator:
A Pirate, a murderess killer of the high sea.
(We see some Pirate ship fire cannons at a navy vessel).

Narrator:
The Samurai; Japanese lightning fast dealers of death.
(We see a Samurai fending off some bandits with his Katana).

WHO IS DEADLIEST?
To find out, our world class fighters are testing histories most lethal weapons. Using 21st century science, we'll see what happens when the two warriors go toe to toe. No rules. No safety. No mercy. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is....THE DEADLIEST WARRIOR!


Pirate
Heigh: 5' 10"
Weigh: 170 LBS
Gear: 20 LBS
Armor: None
Loyalty: Money

Samurai
Height: 5' 3"
Weight: 135 LBS
Gear: 65 LBS
Armor: Steel & Leather
Loyalty: Daimyo

Narrator:  Here in the Fight Club, we take four weapons used by the nefarious pirates:

Cutlass
Flintlock Pistol
Blunderbuss
Grenado

Narrator: and pit them against the tools used by the honorable Samurai:

Katana
Yumi
Naginata
Kanabo

Narrator: First our two teams will test out their warriors close range weapons: The Pirate's Cutlass, and the Samurai's Katana.

Fred, who would be representing the Pirate's took his cutlass and walked over to a stack of pig carcasses. On the signal, he cut as deep as he could. The blade made it through one, and then half of the next one before stopping.

Next was Bob, representing the Samurai. He took his katana and stood behind the stack of pigs just like Fred had done. On the testers mark, he swung his blade down into the pigs. The blade made it through two and a half before it came to a stop.

Dr. Dorian: Both of these blades are wickedly sharp. Both can do the job of ending a life. However, it would appear that the blade of the samurai is just a bit sharper.

Edge: Samurai

Narrator: Now the teams will test their respective mid range weaponry: The Samurai's Naginata against the Pirate's Blunderbuss.

Bob came toward the dummy with his naginata. He took a stance and then, on the signal, struck. His first strike shaved the top of the skull and brain matter off the dummy. The second strike, aimed for the neck, almost decapitated it.

Dr. Dorian: This cut is very impressive, it has almost a surgical quality to it, that's how clean it is.

Next was Fred, lugging the blunderbuss with him. Once at the firing range, he held it up and took aim. When he got the green light he fired. "Click" "Misfire" he called. He reloaded and got ready to try again. Once again he received his signal, only this time the gun did fire. The gun went off with a thunderous boom, striking the armored target. A second later, blood could be seen coming out from under the armor. The Blunderbuss could pierce the samurai's armor. If it fired.

Dr. Dorian: It worries me that this weapon misfires. At it's intended range, if it misfires, the pirate would almost be in range of the naginata. On the other hand, when it does fire, it easily pierces the armor and does heavy damage. It's close but I have to give the edge to the blunderbuss.

Edge: Pirate

Narrator: Next the two teams will test out their long range weaponry: The Samurai's Yumi bow and the Pirate's Flintlock Pistol.

Bob went first this time, experimentally pulling the string on the bow. Once satisfied, he took aim at his target: a gel head topped wit a pirate hat. This target was special in that it had the eyes highlighted. Bob fired his first arrow at over 15 yards, and pierced the dummies left eye. His second shot pierced the other eye.

Dr. Dorian: That shot is scary because, while it is a kill shot, it is not instant, so you'll probably remember the arrow going through your face.

Next came Fred armed with his his pistol. His target: A gel torso protected by replica samurai armor. Since each pistol only had one shot, Fred had been given five pistols. He also was told to shoot as various ranges. On the signal the shots began. The first shot from ten yards, missed entirely. The second shot from eight yards, hit the helmet, but didn't seem to pierce it. At the six yard mark the bullet hit dead center and, while it didn't penetrate, the system indicated a rib might have been broken. At four yards, the gun misfired. The next bullet hit the armor and went through, hitting the dummy's stomach for a kill shot.

Dr. Dorian: These guns are not particularly accurate, and have a tendency to misfire. If that happens in battle, it could be a catastrophe. On the other hand, anything at five yards and under seems to be a hit. But compared to the much greater distance and accuracy provided by the Yumi, the answer is obvious.

Edge: Samurai

Narrator: Finally the two teams will test out their warriors special weapons: The Pirate's Grenado, against the Samurai's Kanabo.

Bob went first again, holding the heavy kanabo out in front of him. He raised the club over his head and brought it down on a bull skull. The skull completely disintegrated under the force of the blow, leaving only fragments left.

Dr. Dorian: This weapon is great in that it most certainly is deadly to an unarmored or perhaps even an armored, opponent. The only downside I see to this weapon is that it is very heavy, and is also very slow.

Then, out at the demolition range, Fred was busy hooking up his explosive grenado. The ball was rigged in the center of some pig carcasses, one of which was wearing Samurai armor.  Once everyone was at a safe distance, the bomb was detonated. It went off with a bang, and when the dust finally settled, the group went to check on the bodies. The unarmored bodies near the blast had the ribs caved in, an obvious kill. The one farther away was bruised, but unlikely to be dead. Lastly, the armored body was shown to have serious damage to the ribs. A possible kill.

Dr. Dorian: It's hard to tell for the last one. The armor certainly absorbed the brunt of the explosion, but if the bomb had been closer, or the samurai had already been injured? I don't know, maybe it could have been a kill. Regardless, the fact is is that it's easier to use, and the blast makes it harder to avoid. I'm going to give it to the pirates.

Edge: Pirate

Narrator: With all the testing complete, Max Geiger uploads the data gathered from the tests into the battle simulation, developed by Slitherine Studio, to simulate a battle to the death between these two warriors. To make sure that victory isn't snatched by a single lucky blow, the battle will be simulated 1000 times. Who will win in this battle of opposites? Honor or Greed? Burning black powder, or cold hard steel?

Close Range Edge: Samurai's Katana

Mid Range Edge: Pirate's Blunderbuss

Long Range Edge: Samurai's Yumi

Special Weapon Edge: Pirate's Grenado

It's time to find out which warrior is truly the deadliest. Max hits the button on the computer, and suddenly the screen goes "Matrix" on us.

The fight opens on clearing in a forest. The forest is at the top of a hill, at the bottom of the hill a beach. A pirate is looking over the treasure in a chest he has just dug up. As he closes the chest, he looks up, hand on his flintlock. A samurai has emerged from the trees, his naginata stuck into the ground, a yumi bow across his chest. Seeing the bow, the pirate reacts, aiming his pistol and firing at the samurai. The bullet is off course however, and strikes the tree next to the samurai. The samurai, yumi bow drawn, fires at the pirate, but the pirate leans out of the way, and the arrow flies past. The pirate returns fire, hitting the samurai in the chest plate. Unfortunately the pirate was so far away, the bullet didn't penetrate. After looking down to make sure he was okay, the samurai unleashes another arrow. The pirate ducks, and the arrow knocked off his hat.

Deciding to flee instead of fight, the pirate grabs his treasure chest and runs. The samurai, unwilling to let the pirate escape, but unwilling to kill a man while his back was turned, fired an arrow at the pirates leg. The arrow flew true, and nailed the pirate in the back of his left thigh. The pirate fell to the ground in pain, but managed to crawl forward to a tree where he'd hidden some spare weapons. He turned to see the samurai charging with his naginata at the ready. The pirate rolled over and stood up, exposing the blunderbuss in his hand. When the samurai was in range the pirate pulled the trigger. "Click". "Bloody Hell" a misfire, the pirate curses his bad luck as he rolls out of the way of the samurai's strike. The blade of the naginata gets buried in a tree, that would have been the pirates neck had he not moved.

Once more on the ground the pirate pulled out another pistol and; not sharing his opponents scruples about killing form behind shot to kill. But through a combination of the poor aiming quality of the pistol, and the samurai's armor, the bullet only hit the man in the side. Painful, but not fatal. The samurai grit his teeth and whirled around, having managed to dislodge his weapon. He was met by the pirate who had draw his cutlass. The pirate stepped in and, with a quick slash, cut the naginata pole in two. He tried to follow up with a slash at the samurai, but the sword bounced off the armor.

The samurai kicked the pirate in the chest, allowing the samurai some distance. The samurai then unsheathed his proud katana. The two traded blows for a while, though it was becoming obvious that in terms of swordplay, the pirate was outmatched. The samurai managed to get inside the pirate's guard and cut his arm deeply. The pirate hissed in pain, and in retaliation, quickly drew a pistol and shot the samurai in the stomach. At such close range, the bullet went through. The samurai doubled over in pain, and the pirate clubbed him on the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. Then he ran, grabbed his treasure and ran down the hill toward his get away boat. The samurai wasn't giving up though. Once he got his bearings he ran over to a tree which he had hidden his kanabo behind. Once he had it he followed the pirate down the hill.

The pirate had just finished loading up his boat when he heard running behind him. He turned and saw the samurai charging with the kanabo. The pirate just rolled his eyes "oh bloody hell, mate" and fired one of his pistols. The bullet hit the samurai in the shoulder, but thanks to his armor, it didn't slow him down. Then the samurai was upon him, swinging his kanabo club downward. The pirate managed to roll out of the way, while the rock that the club hit, cracked. The samurai swung again, and the pirate tried to block with his cutlass. Alas the sword was knocked right out of his hands. The pirate turned to run to the boat, but the samurai swiped his feet out from under him with the long club. The pirate fell, banging his head off the side of his boat.

 The pirate stood shakily. Looking in the boat he managed to shake off his possible concussion long enough to grab a blunderbuss from inside the boat. Pointing it at the charging samurai, and praying to avoid another misfire, he pulled the trigger. The blunderbuss fired with a cannon like boom, catching the samurai full in the chest and knocking him backwards to the ground.

Seeing the samurai coming to, the pirate realized he was all out of pistols. This meant it was time for a last resort. The pirate pulled out his one grenado and lit it. He tossed it at the samurai and ducked for cover behind a rock, knowing that if this didn't kill the samurai, nothing would.

The samurai struggled to stand after that blast had hit him. Some of the shots must have gotten through, as it was getting hard to breath. He heard a thump as something landed on his chest. Looking at it, his eyes widened in realization. He brushed it off his chest quickly as he stood. He turned to run . . .

And that's when the bomb went off. The blast threw the samurai, his body bouncing off a nearby rock, before falling face down in the sand; the ocean tide coming in to wash over his body. The pirate approached cautiously. Having retrieved his cutlass, he flipped over the samurai's body prepared to stab him just in case. He needn't have bothered, as one look into the glassy eyes of the samurai confirmed his death. Now sure of his victory, the pirate reared back and screamed to the heavens, before making his way back to his boat.

Winner: Pirate

Pirate: 553

Blunderbuss: 326

Grenado: 164

Cutlass: 48

Flintlock Pistol: 15

Samurai: 447

Naginata: 153

Katana: 119

Yumi: 95

Kanabo: 80

Narrator: In this battle of opposites it was the pirate who came out on top, with his blunderbuss and grenado both scoring triple digit kills. The samurai didn't fare too poorly either, with his naginata and katana also scoring triple digits.

Dr. Dorian: I think that the pirate's victory is not all that surprising. While at times, his black powder weapons could be unreliable, they were reliable enough to make enough of a difference.

We see the pirate, rowing back to his ship. His treasure chest is secure, and with it is a newly acquired katana. A sword like that will fetch a pretty penny on the black market.

The End.

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