The Top 8 Movies To Get You Laid
Valentine’s Day is here and nobody wants to be left out of the love. If you’ve been able to snag yourself a date for that special day, then you’re probably hoping your chances are better at getting laid. Well, think again. Your chances probably suck just as much as they ever do – unless you’ve got the right movie at your fingertips.
Source: Universal Pictures
By Nathan Bloch
The following article does not represent the opinions of Spike TV or its affiliates.
8. Knocked Up
So you’re all comfy, you’ve got a bowl of popcorn and a couple of beers, and you start watching the movie. At first you have a few laughs, a few giggles, the whole shebang.
Halfway through the movie you abruptly get up, turn it off, and throw it in the garbage. When your special lady friend asks what you’re doing, you angrily explain to her that you’re disgusted with the treatment of the female characters in the movie. You don’t like how the characters played by Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd treat their girlfriends/wives, and that if it’s going to be that kind of movie, you’re not interested.
If it worked for Katherine Heigl, it can work for you. Your lady will be putty in your putty machine, because you’ve just become the most sensitive man alive.
7. The Notebook
You show me a girl who’s not a sucker for The Notebook and I’ll show you a girl who likes to spend her Sundays watching football and eating Cheetos and bratwurst. This movie is about a girl (Rachel McAdams) and a guy (Ryan Gosling) who hook up at a carnival, spend the summer together, then get separated. Even though the girl’s parents try to stifle her love, it remains fiery as ever when she bumps into her guy again seven years later.
And let me tell you, if your relationship with the girl you’re watching this movie with wasn’t full of sparks before, consider The Notebook the Zippo to your fuel. Turn on the flick and light your wick, ‘cause it’s on.
6. The Lord of the Rings trilogy
That’s right: I’m talking parts one, two and three. In one night. You’re throwing the geek book at her – all three of them...and hard. By the time you get twenty minutes into part two, your special lady friend is going to be begging you to turn it off. She’ll be forced to throw the sexy book at you...and hard – if only to make the nerdy pain stop. A woman can only take so many dwarves, elves, hobbits, and trolls before she knows what she has to do to change the subject.
Gandalf and Glamdring are mighty indeed, and a Ring Wraith is nothing to scoff at. But there’s no magic like lady magic, and the ladies will cast a spell on you when you tell them there’s only five and a half hours of Middle Earth left to go.
5. Brokeback Mountain
I know what you’re thinking, and I know what those thoughts are going to cause you to say: “Brokeback Mountain? I’m trying to make it happen on Valentine’s Day, and you give me a movie about two cowboys who quake in their boots at the sight of rawhide?” And my response is: Damn skippy.
Because it’s not about who’s doing what to who, or what their orientation is, or how many gallons their hat can hold. It’s about tragic love, and convincing that significant someone that she might just have a little bit of that tragic love pent up herself.
If you really want to get the full effect, make sure you’re wearing Levis, a denim shirt, and try to lasso something nearby. Anything will do: a chair, a lamp, the cat. Just let her see that Heath Ledger isn’t the only guy in town who’s good with a herd of cows. But avoid the cow metaphor at all costs.