Tiger Woods Takes Break from Sex to Play in Masters

March 16, 2010

Tabloid cover model Tiger Woods (who sources claim used to be some sort of golfer) will be looking to trade in his slightly stained silk robe for a green blazer when he returns to PGA play in what will no doubt be a glorious day for adulterers throughout America.

Through a carefully crafted statement by his various servants, Woods told the sports world that he plans on playing in the Masters (April 8th-11th) after a brief but memorable sabbatical from the game.

"The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I'm ready to start my season at Augusta," Woods wrote.

Better round up a slew of mildly-literate women who vaguely resemble Elin Nordegren, because Tiger is back with focus, determination, and an exciting new cell phone plan.

Photo: Andy Lyons/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images