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Tiger Woods Takes Break from Sex to Play in Masters

bydavidbreitman   March 16, 2010 at 2:43PM  |  Views:  |  Comment

Tabloid cover model Tiger Woods (who sources claim used to be some sort of golfer) will be looking to trade in his slightly stained silk robe for a green blazer when he returns to PGA play in what will no doubt be a glorious day for adulterers throughout America.

Through a carefully crafted statement by his various servants, Woods told the sports world that he plans on playing in the Masters (April 8th-11th) after a brief but memorable sabbatical from the game.

"The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect. After a long and necessary time away from the game, I feel like I'm ready to start my season at Augusta," Woods wrote.

Better round up a slew of mildly-literate women who vaguely resemble Elin Nordegren, because Tiger is back with focus, determination, and an exciting new cell phone plan.

Photo: Andy Lyons/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

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