12:00pm
Beverly Hills Cop
2:30pm
Nutty Professor, The (1996)
5:00pm
Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000)
7:30pm
Coming To America (1988)
10:00pm
Beverly Hills Cop
12:30am
Coming To America (1988)
3:00am
3:30am
9:00am
X-Men (2000)
11:30am
X2: X-Men United (2003)
4:30pm
8:00pm
Cops: Perfume Takedown
8:30pm
Cops: Dealt a Bad Hand

The Top 10 Athletes With the Most Illegitimate Children

by davidbreitman   March 03, 2010 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 92,052

 

5. Shawn Kemp, Seattle Supersonics (NBA) - Seven children with six different women (though recent reports claim it may be as many as 11)

Photo: TOM MIHALEK/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Even though he may not lead the NBA in paternity suits (or know how to spell the words “paternity” or “suit”), Shawn Kemp has established himself as the face of non-marital baby-making in professional basketball. The former all-star and current McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish-eating champion’s refusal to stop procreating has made him one of the most notable scumbags in the league and the subject of a heart-warming Sports Illustrated cover story titled “Where’s Daddy?” in the late 1990s.

His most talented son, Shawn Kemp Jr., is currently one of the top high school athletes in the country and has committed to play basketball for the University of Auburn next year. If he works hard, eats his vegetables, and refuses to wear a condom, the younger Kemp could grow up to father his own crop of illegitimate children before getting arrested on the side of a Washington highway with cocaine, 60 grams of marijuana, and a semi-automatic weapon – just like the guy who kind of raised him.

 

4. Jason Caffey, Chicago Bulls (NBA) - 10 children with eight different women

Photo:TheSmokingGun.com

In 2004, the Milwaukee Bucks decided that giving Jason Caffey $11 million to not play for them was the best decision for a franchise that relied on an aging Toni Kukoc. In all fairness, everybody knows that Croatians hit their prime right around 37, though. (It’s almost like the Bucks thought that the massive panic attack Caffey was hospitalized over made him “less than clutch.”)

The early career exit did give Caffey time to focus on his true passion – impregnating random women, as the round mound of bed-pound notched enough illegitimate children to earn him a “failure to pay child support” arrest and brief cameo on Nancy Grace’s nightly “here’s-why-I-hate-men-athon.”

 

3. Evander Holyfield, Boxing - 11 children by an untold number of women

Photo: JOHN GURZINSKI/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

As the only active athlete to appear on both The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and America’s Funniest Foreclosure Videos, Evander Holyfield has become one of the most iconic figures in professional boxing thanks to his tremendous work ethic and willingness to fight anybody for $13 and bus fare home. He sacrificed his ear, dignity, and majority of functioning brain cells for the sport, yet all he has left to show for it is two curling teams worth of illegitimate children and a promising career welcoming tourists to a Las Vegas Blvd adjacent Hometown Buffet.

 

2. Travis Henry, Denver Broncos (NFL/Colorado Penal System) - 11 kids with 10 different women

Photo: Allen Klee/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Not the sharpest taco in the shed, Travis Henry never seemed to quite grasp the concept of safe sex or sobriety – living his life with a dedication to recklessness that Lindsay Lohan might call “a massive turn-on” if she wasn’t too busy cleaning dried vomit from the dusty mirror she keeps in the car she purchased with her Herbie the Lovebug residual checks.

As a former NFL running back who led the league in marijuana-related suspensions, it’s fair to say that “decision-making” and “not being a complete a**hole” weren’t high on Henry’s list of strengths at the 2001 NFL Draft. He collected his first failed marriage at 18, started his out-of-wedlock pregnancy streak shortly after, and had enough illegitimate kids to form an entire NFL defense by the time he turned 30. If only he didn’t get sentenced to a few years in prison for his role in a massive cocaine distribution syndicate in 2009, he may have been the only active NFL player to average more children-per-year than yards-per-carry.

Oh, and don’t let the math fool you. Henry didn’t actually sleep with the same woman twice. One of his transgressions resulted in twins.

 

1. Calvin Murphy, Houston Rockets (NBA) - 14 children with nine different women

Photo: Johnny Nunez/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images

Do you know any syphilitic, one-legged meth-addicted hookers who like lighting things on fire and talking about commitment? If so, the Houston Rockets alumni association may have someone willing to violate her behind a T.G.I. Fridays while Vernon Maxwell films it.

Not only does former NBA star Calvin Murphy seem to be allergic and/or have a religious aversion to prophylactics, but he also appears to be willing to nail anything with a third grade understanding of room service and reproductive organs. The reigning champion of the baby momma Olympics would actually need to disown two of his children to get under the NBA maximum number of active players if he used his discarded offspring to form an expansion franchise. (Maybe the “Baltimore Bastards” or “Michigan Marital Mistakes?”)

The “and one” on Murphy’s slam dunk of impregnation may be the five different molestation cases launched by his daughters. Don’t worry, though, sports/paternal rape fans - he got off…

The NBA... Where Dreams Come True (provided of course your dreams involve divorce and public shame).

Honorable Mention: Karl Malone, who had his first illegitimate kid in college when knocked up a 13-year-old junior high school girl. He's sort of like the Kerry Wood of bastard creation. Blazing start to his career, but just didn't end on a strong note after getting stalled at three kids.

 

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