Normal, Well-Adjusted Fan Wants to Show Erin Andrews His Suicide Vest

April 5, 2010

There’s something about blonde hair, massive breasts, and an alarming knowledge base of Florida Gators football that makes middle-aged men want to publically plan out gruesome murders on national radio.

Just ask Erin Andrews, who recently found out that one of her fans has been calling into The Dan Patrick Show (which is shockingly still on the air), in order to express his mild displeasure with the sideline reporter.

“I hope she gets shot in the face,” the mentally stable man told the show’s producers. “That would really make my day.”

He further stated that “I would love to get close enough to her to show her my suicide vest,” and “I would love to see if she can dance away from a hail of gunfire.”

Even though the threatening caller left his real name and phone number (a classic move in the "insane stalker" playbook), authorities still haven't made any arrests. Apparently they're adopting a "let's see how this whole thing plays out" strategy.

All we have to do now is sit back and pray for the safety of Andrews and hope that she doesn’t have to deal with suicide vests or rumors about a John Olerud sex tape for at least another 18 months.

Photo: Al Messerscmidt/Getty Images Sport/Getty Images