Juggalo Rydas vs. Straight Edge Militants (Proposal).

July 6, 2009

Juggalo Rydas vs. Straight Edge Militants.

A gang on gang (five versus five) battle to the death between two of society's sometimes violent, yet misunderstood organizations, classified as gangs by many various states, and counties.

Juggalo Rydas.
A member of the Juggalo sub culture, loyal in full to the "hatchet," Psychopathic Records, the parent label of the musical group called the Insane Clown Posse, whom coined the term "Juggalo," to refer to their fans, Faygo ©, a sweet tasting soda enjoyed by the band, and their friends whom they call family. Oftentimes having to defend themselves from abuse by other sub cultures, or scenes, they travel in large groups to dissuade others from assaulting them, and often carry weapons symbolic of their parent label, usually cheap, yet effective bladed weaponry in case anyone does.  

Straight Edge Militants.
A member of the militant branch of the Straight Edge movement, loyal in full to their straight edge beliefs, taught to live a clean and sober lifestyle by abstaining from alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and promiscuous sex, while being trained to punish all whom don't with violence, as well as being trained in group and surprise tactics by their Militant Straight Edge peers, armed with simple, yet effective and symbolic weaponry, which has been battle tested and proven to dominate their foes.

Juggalo Rydas - Circa Detroit, Michigan, 2009.
Juggalo Rydas, a term made famous by various Psychopathic Records artists, Anybody Killa (ABK) even going so far as to write a song called "Gang-Related," which states that if you're wearing a hatchet man your gang related, later mentioning the JRB (Juggalo Rydas B****), describes a more criminal element of the Juggalo sub culture which have been noted for their various crimes, including, but not limited to, petty to grand theft, grand theft auto, burglary, possession and distribution of a controlled substance (notably alcohol for the minors, as well as marijuana and/or ecstasy, including, in some cases, other drugs), possession of a deadly weapon, aggravated assault and battery, attempted murder, and murder. These "Psychopathic Records," fanatics oftentimes take place in backyard wrestling matches, and/or other forms of martial art training, as fighting is a large part of their culture, and skill in hand to hand combat is admirable, respected, and highly valued.

Endurance/Cover: Juggalo Rydas have built up vast amounts of endurance through out their lives as backyard wrestlers, hours and hours spent each day fighting to build up their ability to dish out pain, to take pain, and to do these things for hours on end without fail. Rydas also have excellent knowledge of their terrain, most of them never having gone too far away from the area of their birth, and are used to having to find cover from the police, as well as larger or better armed groups of their foes, and thus know all the best spots to hide in their cities. 


Backyard Wrestling: Many of those who practice backyard wrestling embrace a style that emphasizes risky high spots (which can involve diving or taking bumps from rooftops or ladders) and the liberal use of weapons in matches. These may include thumbtacks, barbed wire, tables, plywood, fire, glass, and fluorescent lamps. Even among participants who shy away from this, there still is a considerable level of inherent risk involved. Many professional wrestling holds require extensive training to perform correctly and safely, which few backyard wrestlers have received. These and other concerns are at the heart of the controversy surrounding the practice.

Machete: A steel short sword with a twenty four inch blade, with an extremely thin edge at just under three millimeters thick, which is utilised to great effect by the Juggalo Rydas as an edged weapon.

Lead Pipe: A twelve inch hollow pipe made out of lead used to great affect by Juggalo Rydas for bashing their foe's heads in.

Faygo Bomb: An improvised explosive made out of a twelve fluid ounce Faygo © bottle, twelve ounces of hard whiskey, a large flask within which said whiskey is held, and a bandanna, soaked in alcohol after being stuffed half way down the neck of the bottle, lit with a cigarette lighter, then thrown to devastating affect.

Hatchet: A simple hatchet which has a two pound axe head, and twelve inch hilt, used for splitting skulls by the Juggalo Rydas.

Straight Edge Militants - Circa, Boston, Massachusetts, 1991.
The militant branch of the Straight Edge movement, whom are experienced street fighters, violently loyal to their ideals, willing to kill, and to die for their cause.


Surprise and Group Tactics: Straight Edge Militants are drawn to using surprise attack tactics to get the first hit on their enemies, usually outnumbering their foes by at least two to one before they will go into a fight.


Street Fighting: Street fighting is a colloquial term used to denote unsanctioned, usually illegal, hand-to-hand fighting in public places, between individuals or groups of people. The term also usually carries the connotation that the fighters are not professional martial artists or fighters. Participants may use basic boxing, kick boxing, wrestling, or improvised tactics, including biting, eye gouging, hitting other participants with objects or throwing objects at them. Any rules of combat are dictated by personal choice or code of honor.

Butterfly Knife: A folding knife which has a four inch blade used to slice and dice the Straight Edge Militant's foes.

Baseball Bat: A three foot long, two pound baseball bat used to crack skulls by the Straight Edge Militant.

Chain with Padlock: A three foot long chain with a six ounce padlock attached to the last chain used to bash in skulls by the Straight Edge Militants.

Brass Knuckles: A six ounce "paperweight," used for punching in skulls by the Straight Edge Militants. 



Close Combat
Backyard Wrestling vs. Street Fighting
This is a close call because both fighting styles are deadly in close quarters combat, but Backyard Wrestling gets the edge due to the more extensive training preformed by the practitioners, and the emphasis on grappling, holds, take downs, etc., etc..

Short Range
Machete vs. Butterfly Knife
The Butterfly Knife is easier to conceal, but it's advantages over the Machete end there. The Machete is obviously the more deadly weapon, with a longer blade, more potential for a slashing kill, and less need to get in too close.

Medium Range
Lead Pipe vs. Baseball Bat
Lead is indeed stronger than wood, however the Baseball Bat has a longer range than the pipe, and is much easier to wield. The Straight Edge Militant also has much more training with the weapon than the Juggalo Rydas has with the Iron Pipe, which is more of an improvised weapon than the bat.

Long Range
Faygo Bomb vs. Chain with Padlock
Both weapons are powerful and undoubtedly deadly, however the flames of the Faygo Bomb burn through anything the Chain with Padlock has to offer. If the Straight Edge Militant is anywhere near close enough to the Juggalo Ryda to hit him with the padlock, than he is close enough to hit with the Faygo Bomb without much chance of missing the target.

Special Weapon
Hatchet vs. Brass Knuckles
Though the damage dealt by the Brass Knuckles is devastating, the Hatchet has the clear advantage due to it's superior range and killing potential, as well as for it's ability to simply cleave through many of the weapons used by the Straight Edge Militant, rendering them ineffective.


The Juggalo Rydas have the clear advantage in close range, short range, long range, and special weapons, and have the advantage of the extensive network of cover an urban environment has to offer, but Straight Edge Militants are generally healthier, have the advantage of being used to fighting in groups, and the advantage of their surprise tactics, as well as having one of the best weapons in the fight, the Baseball Bat. However, the Straight Edge Militants simply could not overcome the massive advantage that the Juggalo Rydas Faygo Bomb, Hatchet, Machete, and Backyard Wrestling skills present, even with their formidable Baseball Bat.

(Kill Estimates)
Kills    Juggalo Straight Edge
Close      80          25   
Short      100         50
Mid        120
Long       140         120 
Special    150         35       
Total     590          410