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The Top Eight Non-Sexual Porn Websites on the Internet

by G_Shakespeare   October 26, 2009 at 10:00AM  |  Views: 3,111

Let's face it, dudes (and some ladies) really like to look at stuff. There's something about obsessively running your eyes over an object that really lights up the part of the brain responsible for creepiness. For a lot of people, the undressed human body is perfect for eyeing, ogling, and just plain staring at. But for some people, the body doesn't quite cut it.

Source: Philosophia/Aflo/Getty Images

8. GunsAndAmmoMag.com

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Source: Joe Raedle/Getty Images News/Getty Images

It's should come as no surprise that people fetishize guns. After big tits and heart disease, nothing says "U.S.A." like a gun. Hold one of these steel and wood beauties in your hand and gently caress the long, smooth barrel for a while and see if you don't get a little tingly south of the border. Maybe it's the warm feeling you get when you're carrying around the means to end a human life, maybe it's the feel of the cold, cold metal against your breast as your piece lies snuggled into you shoulder holster, or maybe it's because every gun and bullet looks a little bit like a penis. Whatever the reason, a lot of people cream their jeans over firearms. For the gun porn lover, no magazine gets them off like Guns And Ammo.

Surprisingly Arousing Example: "The 210-grain Remingtons also shot a bit low but with respectable accuracy. The difference in recoil, however, made me appreciate the surprise many cops back in the early 1960s may have felt, as the gun squirmed vigorously at every shot."

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Source: Guns and Ammo

For years, Guns And Ammo has provided beautifully composed, tasteful shots of the finest, hottest guns out there. From old classics to the latest gunpowder starlets, if it can stop a man dead at 100 yards, Guns and Ammo will have a picture of it you can beat off to. The pictures are only matched by the Penthouse Forum-esque descriptions of the stalks, grips, and sweet, slick actions of just about every gun ever made. If you're into gun porn, Guns and Ammo is all you'll ever need. Well, that and some hand lotion.

7. RailFan.net

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Source: RailFan.net

If gun porn is a no-brainer, it will probably comes as a huge surprise that people fetishize trains. For most of us, trains are for transportation, or maybe the odd bit of international intrigue. But for a select few, trains are the sexiest examples of locomotion since God invented the missionary position. Known as railfans, these diesel and steam power perverts travel the country looking for trains to look at. And when they find them, they take endless pictures to show their railfan friends. One site where they can share their obsessions is Railfan.net. Members of the site tell train stories, post train pictures, and hang out with the only other people in the world who don't find their hobby mind-numbingly dull.

Surprisingly Arousing Example: "The CZ, or the "Silver Lady," as she was called, was a piece of Americana that I am very fortunate to have experienced. I'm glad that I rode her during the time that she was at the height of her glory. I will never forget that trip! It was a little lower middle class boy's first taste of "first class.""

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Source: RailFan.net

Sexy!

Unlike many of the sites on this list, Railfan.net is strictly by amateurs for amateurs. If GunsAndAmmoMag.com is the non-sexual porn version of Playboy, then Railfan.net is the non-sexual version of a home sex video an overweight, middle-aged couple makes on their twenty-five wedding anniversary. It's harmless, a little sweet, and strictly for enthusiasts.

6. High Times

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Source: High Times

For most people, marijuana is nothing more than the solution to life's problems. They're satisfied to roll up a spliff, put on a Bob Marley record, maybe order a pizza, and forget about their mortgages. Pot is just a tool to unwind. A lot of potheads may like the smell or be impressed with a big bud, put it's the high that keeps them coming back. Other dudes get way too into the plant. In 1974, some of those dudes got together and founded High Times Magazine. Literally modeled on Playboy, High Times aspired to be the lifestyle source for the marijuana enthusiast. And it became the first and only magazine in the history of publishing history to offer plant porn.

Surprisingly Arousing Example: Here are some of the reader comments from the Pix Of The Crop section:

*orgasm* haha. B-E-A-F******-UTIFUL!

 sexy!

 omg growlllll. They look so tasty!

My wife trimmed her plant like those shaggy ones. Makes me INSANE!  (Unfortunately, in this case "her plant" is not a metaphor.

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Source: High Times

Even though the magazine is still puffing along, HighTimes.com has carried the tradition of leafy green centerfolds to the Internet age. Visitors to the site can find all kinds of articles about all the latest Mary Jane news, and of course, picture after picture of the biggest, fattest, hairiest buds from here to Acapulco. They have a lot of pictures of big, fat, hairy potheads, too, so be careful which link you click on. Nothing kills a cannabis-inspired boner faster than a close-up of some washed up hippie. Actually, nothing kills any kind of boner faster than a close-up of some washed up hippie. Unless you're into washed up hippies. In which case there's probably a website for you. But there's no way in hell we're going to look for it.

5. Unboxing

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Source: Unboxing

You know when you buy a new gadget and you have to tear through all that styrofoam and plastic wrapping to get to your new iPod, digital camera, or Hello Kitty vibrator? For most of us, it's a minor annoyance at worst and a little exciting at best. But for some people, it's an ecstasy-filled thrillride on a blowjob rollercoaster. Well, those sick people have gotten together and called their ungodly practice "unboxing." Basically, people send in videos of themselves slowly and lovingly opening new consumer products while trying desperately not to touch themselves. One of the most popular unboxing sites is Gearlive.com's Unboxing site. But it's just one of many. There are unboxing sites about cameras, toys, computers, and everything else that comes in a box.

Surprisingly Arousing Example: "So today was the best day ever... I received my Leica D-Lux 3 in the mail. Not only did I buy the Leica but I also bought the super retro, amazing and super sexy looking leather case. As I pulled the small boxes out of the big postage box, I was almost filled with anxiety...  I walked away from my boxes with a big smile on my face and with a new best friend."

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Source: Unboxing

When she woke up the next day, the camera was gone and it never phoned her again.

Some unboxers have become so popular that companies are actually sending them their products before they're released to help build buzz. It's like porn producers promoting their videos by sending them to really dedicated masturbators before they hit the market so they can post videos of themselves beating off to them. Ridiculous. (An unrelated note to the nation's porn producers: several members of Spike.com are available as masturbating marketers if you ever change your mind.)

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