11:01pm
The Bourne Identity (2002): Bourne Identity, The (2002)
2:00am
Crank 2: High Voltage (2009)
1:30pm
The Bourne Identity (2002): Bourne Identity, The (2002)
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The Bourne Supremacy (2004): Bourne Supremacy, The (2004)
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Casino Royale (2006)
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Goldfinger (1964)

Biggest Loser Ever Stalks His Own Girlfriend

by Theta1138   September 20, 2011 at 3:00PM  |  Views: 1,322


We're not going to split hairs here; if you spend all your time sending creepy message to women and following them around, you deserve to have an NFL kicker boot you in the junk. Stalking is a vile, nasty crime that terrorizes people all over the world, and they all deserve a nut shot. Shane Webber, however, deserves to have the entire NFL MVP Defense give him a shoulder ram to the groin.

Why?

Because he did this stuff to his own girlfriend.

Nobody's really sure why, precisely, Shane Webber sent naked pictures of his girlfriend to her family, pretended to be family members and then sent her porn in her inbox, and so on. Or why he did it for three and a half freaking years, especially since he could see he was hurting her so much that she became physically ill and had to go on anti-depressants.

Oh, wait, we know why: he's a d-bag. It's an elegant theory that perfectly sums it up: he's a huge d-bag. Fortunately, he's also an arrested d-bag: the cops finally caught him and the trial process starts next week.

Hey, Britain, we know you've got soccer players and all, but we're sure some NFL kickers would donate their time. Just saying.

Photo: Stephen Carroll Photography/Flickr/Getty Images

Note: The photos in this article are being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the photos is a model.
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