The Daily Douchebag - Thursday, November 12
Unlike most convicts on the run, desperately trying to avoid years of fending off unwanted sexual advances in a prison shower room that reeks of mildew and lost hope, the biggest concern of a British man facing various criminal charges is how attractive he looks in his “Most Wanted” Poster.
Matthew Maynard, who was a little worried that the unflattering photo the police used might make his high school classmates think that he had become some sort of loser, took time off of his busy schedule of disappointing his parents and evading capture to pose for a sexier picture (sort of like junior high school girls do for their MySpace accounts).
Then, in a move that Paris Hilton would call "brilliant" (provided she knew what the word brilliant means), Maynard sent it to the British Police in order to let the women of England know that the guy accused of robbing houses on the six o’clock news has a sweet tan, better haircut, and no plans for the next three to five years. (And yes ladies, he’s single!)
Congrats Matthew. You are a douchebag - which is apparently better than a prison cell chew toy.
Keep reaching for your rainbow and remember to get some cigarettes while on the run so you can buy yourself something nice in jail.
Source: South Wales Police